Combustion
by sunkissedchris
Summary: I was there. I heard them scream. I felt their pain. I watched until they were nothing but corpses. - Pony was with his parents the day they died.
1. Crash

*I don't own _The Outsiders. _

Summary: I was there. I heard them scream. I felt their pain. I watched until they were nothing but corpses.

Basically a 'what if' type of story, about Pony being in the car the night his parents got into the car accident, and how Soda and Darry would deal with the funeral, the State, and their brother.

* * *

(Third Person POV)

Pain-intense enough that black spots float through his vision, making the buildings slant at impossible angles, they seem to sway like trees stuck in the wind.

Red paints the boy's vision, further disfiguring his sense of vision.

The blood is warm and sticky; it runs down the side of his face, his arms, his entire body. Shards of glass are sticking straight up out of his jeans.

It's quiet. The boy can't hear anything except the thudding of his heart, like horse hooves as they canter down a pathway.

It's only silent for a moment.

He wishes it stayed silent.

Screams hit his ears, and he's shocked when he realizes one of them belongs to him. The other is his Mother. He struggles to focus my eyes on her; her golden hair is tangled with red blood that seems to keep seeping down the usually bouncing strands.

He's horrified to see that the bottom half of her body is swallowed by the dashboard of the car. She's trapped.

He can smell gasoline.

His Father is unconscious. The boy doesn't think he's breathing.

"P-Pony," his Mother whispers.

"It freaking hurts," he cries, salty tears mixing in with a horrifying amount of blood that covers his body.

"I know, baby, but you have to try and open your door," she murmurs, her strength waning quickly.

He's terrified. He's never seen his parents so broken, weak, and he doesn't know if he can move. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe. He's afraid if he moves, the black dots will take over his vision.

"Please, honey, try for me, open your door," his Mother presses. She has to make sure he gets out. She smell the gasoline too, she knows it's only a matter of time before it catches fire.

His fingers feel thick and clumsy, that on top of his failing vision makes it difficult to grab the handle. He finally gets it, gags slightly at the slick feeling of blood, the rusty smell mixed with gasoline, and the amount of pain his body is trying to deal with.

He yanks, but can't get the door to fall open like it usually does.

"Use the weight of your body," his Mother advises softly.

Somehow he gets the door open, and nearly falls out of the car as the door swings. He could swear that the yellow lines on the road were slithering around like snakes, only he knows that they can't, and it's him imaging things.

"Go outside, Ponyboy, and get away from the car."

"What about you and Dad?" he whispers.

"We'll be there soon, alright. Now please do what I say and I love you and your brothers too," his Mother coos gently.

It scares him to hear her talk like this.

He struggles with his heavy, sluggish body. He stumbles, pitching forward onto his knees. It hurts his body and he thinks he screams again. He drags himself away, towards a sidewalk.

He hears people yelling, someone grabs him, pulling him farther away from the wreck. He glances over his shoulder, there's blood splattered on the windshield of the other car. Both his parents are still. Shouldn't they be following him?

He tries to voice this, but it comes out a sob/grunt of pain.

He hears sizzling. Whoever has a grip on him tightens their arms around his body tightly, painfully tight. There's a loud pop. He can feel the heat.

Both cars are enflamed.

"Mama? Daddy?" He whimpers.

He knows their gone.

There's more yelling, more commotion, but he doesn't pay attention.

The black spots take over his vision completely.

* * *

This idea has been in my head for awhile, and I had to write it down. So, what do you think? Should I continue?

Please review!


	2. Crushed

*I don't own _The Outsiders. _No copyright infringement intended.

**Warning:** There is some cursing this chapter, courtesy of Dallas Winston.

(Third Person POV)

* * *

"You CHEATED!" Soda yelped at Steve.

"What are you talking about, Blondie? I won fair and square," Steve smirked, counting the winnings which only added up to ten bucks. "It's not my fault you bet all you had left. I hope you didn't need it for anything." Steve struggled not to laugh, knowing full well Soda needed the money for a date he had this weekend.

"Steve, the last time you didn't cheat in a game of poker, we were five and didn't know the difference between a chip and a poker chip!" Soda whined.

Two-Bit laughed, "Yeah, we all know how good them poker chips taste, I buy 'em every time I go to the store."

"Buy?" Darry snorted, "Since when do you buy anything?"

"Touché," Two-Bit laughed.

"Where's Ponyboy?" Johnny asked. "Me, him, and Dal were going to head to the movies tonight."

"And I don't feel like fucking waiting forever either," Dally grumbled moodily.

"I don't know where they're at, they should've been home by now," Darry shrugged. "Just hang a few minutes, or catch the later show."

Dallas didn't look too pleased, but the decision was made when Johnny flopped in front of the television aside Two-Bit. Johnny promised Ponyboy that he'd go with him to see the movie, and he'd feel bad if he ditched Pony.

The knock on the screen door was unexpected. Nobody ever knocked on the door, and if they did, they entered at the same time. Everyone knew the Curtis' house was opened to pretty much anyone, and most knew you could just walk right on in.

The gang fell quiet when they saw the fuzz through the screen door. Darry swallowed hard and hissed, "What did you do now, Dal?"

Dallas glared, "I haven't done shit!"

"Can I help you officers?" Darry asked, politely and respectfully, just like his parents taught him.

"Are you related to a Mr. and Mrs. Darrell Curtis?" The one who looked like he had a few too many donuts asked. Despite his weight, he had a young, gentle face, and he looked extremely unhappy.

"I am. I'm their son." A strong sense of dread filled Darry's stomach. He knew whatever these officers had to say was not going to be good. He felt horrible for wishing that they were just here for Dally, but he knew he'd prefer that over what was about to come out of the officer's mouth.

The lanky officer sighed, "There's been an accident."

"Oh God," Two-Bit whispered.

"Oh shit," Dally echoed.

Soda felt like he was swaying, but he was up and across the room in two seconds flat. There was only one thing on his mind, "Are there any survivors?" His voice cracked.

"There are two, one from each vehicle. We traced this address through the license plate on a '54 Nash Metropolitan. A young boy got out of the wreck, he's at the hospital, the other passengers in the car didn't make it…" the officer trailed off, realizing that this was more than enough information for the kids. He felt a pang in his chest, the boys in front of him were only teenagers, and they shouldn't have to deal with their parents dying like this.

"Ponyboy? Is he going to be okay?" Soda hiccupped.

The chubbier officer frowned, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't tell you. We can give you an escort to the hospital?" He said it like a question.

Darry nodded, "Yes please." He turned to Soda, "Find the keys to the truck. Soda put shoes on too," Darry flitted towards his bedroom in search of the key his Father gave him to the truck, and for his wallet. He didn't need to forget his license with police officers right there in front of him.

"Are you sure you're alright to drive?" Steve asked Darry, his hand on Soda's shoulder.

Darry nodded. He didn't speak, in fear that the lump in his throat would make his voice crack. He had to keep it together, Soda was already going to pieces, and they didn't even know how Ponyboy was doing. For all they knew, he could just have a few cuts, or he could be heading in for surgery. Darry prayed the entire way to the hospital, promising to do whatever he could for his brothers, as long as he had both safe and sound in his sight.

Soda and Darry didn't wait for the rest of the gang as they hopped out of the old Ford. Soda had finally gotten himself to the point where he could see again. He continued to hiccup, but at least he didn't have tears obscuring his vision. He didn't need to trip on the sidewalk and crack his head open, even if he was in the best place to do so, his baby brother needed him.

Soda felt dizzy, disbelief and horror made his stomach turn. He grabbed onto Darry's arm to keep himself steady. "Calm down, Soda, you can't help Pony if you're panicking."

"Sorry," he croaked, Darry ruffled his hair reassuringly. The action reminded Soda of his Father, making Soda's bottom lip wobble has he held in another round of sobs.

Darry quickly found out the room Pony was in, groaning when he realized it was on the other side of the hospital. The gang had caught up to them, and immediately started asking questions.

"I don't know anything," Darry snapped. "All I know he is in the Pediatric Ward on the opposite end of the hospital, so come on."

Darry's heart thudded uneasily. The _Pediatric Ward_, it just reminded Darry how young Ponyboy really is. He was just embracing adolescence at the age of thirteen. They'd celebrated his birthday just a month ago.

_He's too young to die. _Darry thought to himself, and immediately beat himself up over even contemplating the thought of his youngest brother dying. _It's not going to happen. God won't take away our parents _and _our little brother. He wouldn't leave me and Soda on our own. Not like this._

Room 103 came into view and Darry stopped. He glanced at the door apprehensively, afraid what might be on the other side. Sure it was his little brother, but how bad would it be? Would he be sitting there waiting to leave, nothing more than a band aid covering a couple cuts, or would he be stuck in a bed with a million tubes hooked to him and machines beeping?

Soda shoved the door open when Darry hesitated. There was a door to the left, leading to a bathroom, continuing down a small entry way, on the wall closest to the bathroom; Pony was lying still in a small bed. Soda took a deep breath in time with the steady beet of the EKG machine counting Pony's every heartbeat. An IV led into his arm, a clear liquid and a blood transfusion attached to the needle leading into Pony's arm.

Soda knew Pony hated needles. Pony hated anything that had to do with the hospital, doctors, dentists, or nurses. Seeing his little brother confined to a hospital bed was horrible, knowing full well when Pony woke up he'd be miserable and would hate every minute he had to stay in here.

Darry didn't like how fragile Pony looked. Darry would always protect his little brothers, which is what he was here to do, make sure nothing ever harmed either of them. Darry didn't like feeling that if he breathed too hard on his brother; he'd break into a million pieces.

Darry vowed he'd never see his brother like this again, he didn't think he'd be able to take it.

"Aw, Pony," Soda mumbled, stroking his hand. Sniffing a little, he continued, "Wake up soon, alright? I know you're probably tired, but I don't think I can wait that long without seeing you awake and talking," Soda chewed his bottom lip.

"We want to take you home soon, Pone," Darry murmured, running his hand through Pony's hair. It was fall of sweat, but Darry didn't really care at this point.

The entire gang shuffled into the small room. Everyone feeling worried. Nobody knew what to say, they just knew they wanted this day to end. They wanted to wake up the next morning, head to the Curtis' house, and have Mrs. Curtis make them breakfast, and Mr. Curtis yell at them to wrestle outside because he knew Mrs. C. was always worried about them breaking her lamps and damaging her furniture.

Two-Bit wanted to crack a joke, but there wasn't really anything he could say. Nothing was funny about this situation, and he was pretty sure Darry would hurt him if he started telling them about his escapade with Allison the other night.

"What do you think is wrong with him?" Soda asked Darry. There were a lot of bandages covering Pony's arms, and he looked really pale, but was that all that was wrong or was there more they couldn't see?

"I don't know, Sodapop," Darry sighed, rubbing his face wearily, "I got to find his doctor and talk to him. But, consider it a good thing that he's still breathing."

Soda made a face at Darry's comment. Soda knew he wasn't the smartest guy around, certainly not as smart as Darry or even Pony, but he knew they were lucky to have Ponyboy here and not wherever their parents are.

"Don't worry none, Soda, he'll be fine. Pony's tough," Steve said with a half hearted grin, trying to ease his best buddy's mind.

Soda nodded in agreement, but didn't take his eyes off of his little brother, and tightened his grip on his cool hand. Soda didn't want to go anywhere until his saw his little brother's eyes open, and he was talking freely, hopefully painlessly.

A nurse came in and blinked in surprise. She smiled softly at all the boys, surprisingly not intimidated by the Greasers in the room. The sad looks on their faces made it obvious they didn't mean any harm, but people tend to judge them based on their leather jackets and ripped jeans.

Darry cleared his throat, "Do you know what's wrong with our brother?"

"Sorry, I just check his vitals. I'll see if I can find his doctor for you. I'm sure he'll know what's going on for sure. I wouldn't want to tell you the wrong thing." She eyed their faces again. "However, I can tell you that he's doing very well, especially considering how bad the accident was."

Darry groaned in irritation, tugging on his grease free hair. "I hate sitting around and waiting."

Soda rolled his eyes, annoyed, "None of us like waiting, but at least we're here with him and not out in the waiting room, probably where we should be." Dally looked at the two in surprise. Soda was usually the impatient one.

"Don't snap at me," Darry glared at Soda while Soda scowled back.

Johnny sighed, "Cool your jets, guys, both of ya'll are just worried and upset, you don't need to take it out on each other."

They pursed their lips in the same fashion, both knew Johnny was right, but didn't really want to admit it. It amused the gang to see some of the shared mannerisms between the Curtis brothers.

Two-Bit slid down the wall to sit against it on the floor. Steve sighed, "So, what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?" Soda mumbled. "We're going to sit here and wait for Pony to wake up."

"That's not what I'm talking about. I mean what are you going to do about the State? Are you going to take custody of Pony and Soda, Dar? Will they even let you do that? I mean you're eighteen and all, so why not?" Steve responded.

Darry groaned softly. "I don't know if they'll let me. I doubt my job at the construction company will be enough for me to run a household on. That means I'll have to forgo college and get another job," he said so quiet it was almost incomprehensible.

Darry didn't really like the idea of not going to college, but what else could he do? The idea of Pony barely recovered, and both his brothers grieving the lost of their parents in a boy's home was a hard image to take in. The idea that, on top of losing his parents, he wouldn't be able to see his brothers all the time, if at all, made him more upset than he already was. They'd have each other, hopefully, but then he'd be off at college and truly alone.

"I'd take them in, of course. I just don't know if the State will like the idea," Darry answered, sounding stronger than he did a moment ago, before his revelation.

"What about college though?" Soda asked.

Darry shrugged, "I'd rather be around the two of you, then send you off to live with God knows who so I can go to school." Soda gave him a small relieved smile.

Soda knew how much Darry wanted to go to college and play football, but it felt good to know his older brother had his back, and Ponyboy's. He really didn't want to move away. He didn't want to go and live in some weird place. His life was right here. Most of it was right in this room. All the people he cared about were sitting around him. He couldn't help but think, _my parents really are gone, these guys are what I have left…As long as I got my brothers and the gang, I can deal. I will deal for Pony and Darry._

A tap on the door quieted all conversation. Darry looked up to see an older man, his dark hair graying along on the sides. The man gave a small, clinical smile, "Hello, I'm Dr. Hines."

Darry stood up to shake his hand, "I'm Darrell Curtis, Pony's older brother."

Soda didn't bother with pleasantries, "Is my brother going to be okay? What's wrong with him?"

"Sorry, Dr. Hines, Soda is just worried about Ponyboy," Darry shot daggers at Soda, who clenched his jaw defiantly.

"I understand. Well, I would normally say I need to speak to the family in private, but you all seem rather worried so screw it," the doctor shrugged, moving over to check on Pony like the nurse had done not even twenty minutes earlier. Two-Bit laughed, appreciating the Doc's attitude.

"Let's start with what you can see," Dr. Hines began. "Well, Ponyboy has many lacerations covering his body. His arms got the worse of it, but most are shallow and nothing to worry about, they just have to stay clean and they won't scar. There are also some cuts on his legs, most of those even less worrisome than the ones on his arms; he was wearing jeans so it prevented many bad cuts. However, there is one, where a large piece of glass cut his leg and it required stitches. There was one cut on his hand that also required stitches." Soda immediately loosened his grip on his brother's hand when he heard one had stitches. He hoped he didn't hurt him further. "He has two broken ribs on the left side, where I believe he hit the car door. Lastly, he has a mild concussion," the doctor sighed, "It could've been much worse, he's very lucky."

Darry blinked and glanced back towards his little brother. "Why does he need the blood transfusion if most of the cuts were superficial?"

"The one in his leg was rather deep, and the one in his hand. Luckily, he didn't knick any major arteries or veins, but they still bled quite a bit. That on top of all the other smaller cuts bleeding added up, and I thought it best to give him a transfusion."

"How serious is the concussion?" Darry continued asking his questions.

Soda was satisfied knowing Pony would eventually be able to come home. He'd see his brother laugh and live life again soon, and that was enough for him. The relief running through him made him sleepy, so he just listened to the conversation between Darry and the doctor, along with his buddies.

Dr. Hines left soon enough and Soda glanced at Darry smiling. "He'll be alright."

Darry nodded, "He should be."

* * *

It sucks how a normal day can turn out so horrible. At the very least, Pony survived and should be alright.

I got many ideas for this, so stick with me, everyone.

Thanks for all the reveiws, favorites, and alerts!

Please REVIEW!


	3. Comfort

*I don't own _The Outsiders. _

(Third Person POV)

* * *

Darry grimaced at the amount of paperwork he'd been handed. It was ridiculous the amount of papers he had to fill out, most of them asking the same questions. But, no matter how boring and monotonous the paperwork was turning out to be, he was grateful for it. It gave him something to focus on after the gruesome job of identifying his parents' bodies.

Nobody had told them there'd been a fire. He certainly wasn't prepared for the smell of charged flesh, and the dry blood that still stuck to their bodies like a second skin. God, couldn't someone have told him? Warned him? He knew seeing his parents dead would be difficult, but he never expected that.

Darry was just relieved that Soda hadn't come. He wanted to come with Darry at first, that way they could, _"Go through it together," _as Soda put it. Darry had been able to convince Soda to stay back with Ponyboy, in case he woke up, even though Darry was pretty sure with all the meds the kid was on, he wouldn't be waking up for a good while.

Darry blinked his blurry eyes. He'd been reading for too long, in too little light. The gang, excluding himself and Soda, sat in the corner on the floor playing a silent poker game. Darry can't remember the last time they'd been together and silent. Only the constant beeping from machines, that assured them all that Pony was alive, pierced the otherwise silent room. Darry was slightly relieved every time he'd hear Two-Bit make a wisecrack, even though Two-Bit was being quiet, he was still talking. The normalcy Two-Bit's jokes brought made Darry feel a little bit better.

_Everything's going to change now, _Darry thought to himself.

Darry watched Soda carefully for a couple minutes. Tears stained his cheeks, and his usually obliviously happy grin was replaced with a sad frown, his eyes knitted together with concern, missing their usual jovial dancing.

Soda was gently holding Pony's hand, stroking the back, trying to provide some comfort. Sodapop was seated on the edge of the plastic hospital chair, which had a strange cushion on the bottom made from a material that was easy to clean. He rested his head on the edge of the bed, sometimes murmuring encouragement to Ponyboy to wake up soon.

Darry's heart broke a little at the sight, furthering his resolve to obtain custody of the two and keep them all together.

_Families should stay together. I can't let the State take them away from me, they're all I got left._

"You guys don't have to stay, I doubt he'll be waking up tonight," Darry said softly, making everyone jump as the silence ended. They all ignored Darry's comment, none of them were leaving.

Soda frowned over his shoulder. He glanced at Pony's pale face, wondering why this happened. His Mother always claimed everything happened for a reason; it was a part of God's plan. If that were true, then why would God find it right to take his parents away and make his little brother suffer in a hospital? Wasn't God supposed to be merciful and good? This certainly didn't seem good in any way, and it didn't seem beneficial for him and Pony to grow up without their parents, and for Darry to give up college.

For the first time, Soda began to doubt the little he'd grasped from all the Sundays spent in Church. He'd always accepted what his Mother and Father taught him as truth, and that included what they told him about God. However, everything he'd been told didn't seem to make sense with this situation. _"Life tests us to make us stronger," _his Mom would tell them whenever they had a bad day.

Soda wasn't sure what to think at the moment, but he knew for sure he never liked tests. This one was for sure the worst of them all.

"Soda, hey little buddy?" Darry's voice broke into Soda's thoughts.

"Hmmm?"

"You hungry? It's past dinner time," Darry murmured gently, his hand rubbing Soda's shoulder roughly.

Soda didn't respond right away. How in the world did Darry even think about dinner? Soda didn't seem to be able to think about anything other than his parents and Ponyboy, and how he wanted to wake up from this horror of a nightmare.

"I'm kind of thirsty," Soda finally answered, "But, I ain't too hungry."

Darry frowned, but in truth, he wasn't too hungry. His mind was all over the place. It jumped from his parents, to Ponyboy, to the gang in the corner, the paperwork, to Soda, the State, and back around again. It made Darry dizzy, and he felt sick to his stomach, a feeling he'd been dealing with since the fuzz showed up on their doorstep.

Dally groaned softly as he shifted in the corner, "If you want, give me the keys and I'll get some real food, I doubt you want whatever they got in the cafeteria."

There was a murmur of agreements, each of them discussing what exactly they wanted. Darry just asked for a coffee, it was going to be a long night, and Darry didn't want to go to sleep without seeing Pony awake first. Everyone placed their order, making Dally regret his decision to offer his assistance. Johnny and Two-Bit got up to go with Dal, they needed a break from the hospital atmosphere, and to collect their thoughts.

Johnny was particularly devastated about the news of Mr. and Mrs. Curtis's passing. Johnny was scared that Pony was going to meet the same fate. Pony is Johnny's best buddy, and he couldn't imagine not having Pony to turn to and talk to. Pony just got him better than the rest of the gang.

Johnny was constantly pushing back tears, Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were like the parents Johnny would never have. They treated him as if he were their son. The caring kiss on the cheek Mrs. Curtis would greet him with, the proud pat on the shoulder Mr. Curtis would give him when he saw Johnny completing his homework. It was small things like that Johnny wished his parents would do, but as he got older that flame of hope was dwindling for him. He knew he'd probably never experience the love that the Curtis' parents gave him again, but Johnny was grateful for experiencing it at all. He felt selfish for being so upset over their deaths when he should be trying to support Darry, Soda, and most of all Ponyboy, yet he couldn't help but mourn their deaths as his own loss.

Steve yawned, sleepy from boredom. He too, like Darry, was keeping an eye on Soda. He hated the fact that Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were gone. They were good people, had a family, a home, and didn't deserve to die quite so soon.

Soda looked down right depressed to Steve. It shook Steve up more than hearing the Curtis' were dead, and seeing Ponyboy look so defenseless and…and broken in the hospital bed. Steve couldn't remember a time when Soda had looked so distraught, not even when his parents made him stop riding horses. It made Steve feel uneasy, he didn't know how to deal with Soda when he was this upset, he knew how to deal with his happy friend, or when Soda got angry, but not when he was this upset.

Steve casted a glance towards Darry, the eldest Curtis was holding up pretty well in his opinion. When he came back earlier from seeing his parents, Steve had gotten a bit worried. Darry's face was ashen, and his eyes were slightly reddened from tears.

Steve didn't like seeing the brothers like this at all. It wasn't them. They were all tough, even Ponyboy had a certain strength to his character (though Steve didn't like to admit it), but now they all were just so unhinged, not that Steve could really blame them.

Who would've ever guessed that when Mr. Curtis, Mrs. Curtis, and Ponyboy left, that two of them wouldn't be coming back, and that the other would be strapped to a gurney within an hour?

The night continued on in the same quiet, mournful way. All of the boys spent the night thinking of their loss, some more affected than others.

"Dar, when is he going to wake up?" Soda groaned. He wanted nothing more than to see Pony awake. He wanted that more than anything. He could not lose his little brother. Soda was determined to stay by Pony's side and wait for him to wake up, the only problem was, his butt was starting to hurt from sitting, and he was getting restless.

Soda has never been one for sitting around for a great length of time, and he'd been sitting by Pony's side for _hours._ If it had been any other time, Sodapop would've been proud of himself for accomplishing such a feat. Soda knew Pony would be proud of him too.

Darry sighed, "I already told you, I don't think it'll be anytime soon. He needs to heal, and he's pumped up with medications, so you're just going to have to be patient. I think you should go home and get some rest; you can see him tomorrow when visiting hours start again."

Soda scowled at Darry, "Screw visiting hours, I'm not going anywhere. They can't make me."

Darry rolled his eyes at Soda's childish behavior. He understood that Soda wanted to stay by Pony's side and protect him anyway he could, but Soda needed to sleep too. The day was definitely going to go down as the most difficult day ever for the three of them. Darry felt that Soda should go home and collect himself, allow himself some time to process everything. Darry thinks the best place to do that would be away from Pony and at home, where he can think in peace.

"I'm not leaving until he wakes up," Soda pursed his lips stubbornly, the line of his jaw defiant, the glare in his eyes told Darry he wasn't going anywhere without a fight.

Darry huffed in annoyance, wishing Soda would just listen to him. It would make things so much easier. Darry didn't want to argue, and he didn't really want the added stress of worrying about Soda not getting enough rest, not eating, etc.

Johnny grimaced a little to himself as he watched Soda and Darry banter. He didn't like it. If he wanted to listen to fighting, he could just go home. It wasn't unusual for anyone in the gang to start bickering, or break into a wrestling match that was more playful than it was serious, but Darry and Soda were both serious right now, which put Johnny on edge a little. It was rare for the two to disagree on something, and even more rare for them to begin arguing more than once in a day. Johnny had already intervened earlier, but knew he shouldn't now. This was something that had to be discussed, he just wished they were both a little calmer doing so. Both seemed to be at the end of their patience, and Johnny was just waiting for one of them to snap. He glanced towards the rest of the gang, and realized they were all ready to intervene if they had to. Apparently, it wasn't all paranoia on Johnny's side making him think that the brothers may break into a full blown argument.

"Soda, visiting hours ended ten minutes ago, it's just a matter of minutes before a nurse comes and kicks us all out. And I don't know if we're going to be allowed to stay, or even if they'll let more than one person, but I do know that you should go home. It's been a long day, go home and clean up, get some rest, take a moment for yourself," Darry attempted to explain himself, after taking a few breathes to calm himself down and control the frustration that was steadily building. Darry knew it would not look good to anyone if he and Soda started to argue, in fact, it could very well alert the nurses and get them kicked out for good, or jeopardize his chances of winning custody over Ponyboy.

"It's been hard for you too! I don't see why you get to stay and I don't. He's my brother too, and I want to be here when he wakes up," Soda pouted slightly, rubbing his watery eyes. It wasn't fair that Darry thought that he could order Soda around. Even more than that, Soda wanted to be here not only for Pony, but Darry too. If they both stayed, they could switch off, each take turns staying by Pony's side. It would be easier for Darry, if he acknowledged Soda wasn't two, and let him help out a little. Soda just wanted to help out his family, and Darry wasn't giving him the chance.

"Calm down, Sodapop, the last thing we need is for the wrong person to hear you yelling like that. Hell, Pony doesn't need to wake up to that," Darry reprimanded.

Soda gazed apologetically at Pony's sleeping form. He didn't mean to yell. He was just upset, and that wasn't going to help anyone out. He felt even worse when he caught a glance of Johnny's tense body, even though Johnny's face was more relieved as he noticed them both calming down. Soda couldn't help but think, _he gets enough of this shit from his parents, he doesn't need it from me._

He kept his gaze on his little brother mumbling, "I'm still staying, and if there can only be one person who stays it's going to be me," Soda hoped his tone indicated it was the end of this particular discussion.

Darry glared, "Sodapop, be reasonable, how do you think it would look if I, _the person who is supposed to file for custody of Pony and you, _leaves you here while I go home? That's stupid, plus we don't know who will be able to stay, so there isn't any point in arguing about it right now."

The middle Curtis grimaced, knowing Darry was right. Soda sighed, knowing that was why Darry should be left to make the decisions. Soda hadn't even thought what it would look like to someone, someone like a social worker, if Darry left him and Pony here while he went home…or to the social worker it could look like Darry was going out for a night on the town or something. God knows what they'd come up with, Soda had seen a few families ripped apart thanks to social workers, and he didn't want that to happen to him before they'd even been given a chance to stay together. Golly, Soda hadn't realized how dumb he was being, he realized he didn't see the big picture like Darry did. Soda was so caught up in the fact his little brother was laying in a hospital bed unconscious, and that his parents were no longer there, that he didn't realize that there was still other things to consider in the decision of who should stay with Pony if it came down to that.

Soda sighed softly and let his head fall onto the bed, giving up the fight. Darry didn't like seeing Soda upset, and knew that it would upset him further if he did have to leave, but Darry didn't want to take unnecessary risks, such as giving into Soda. It could look really bad to the State if Darry let both of his underage brothers stay alone in the hospital, instead of him staying with his hurt brother, and finding someone to let Soda stay with.

Darry already knew that Mrs. Matthews would gladly led Soda stay as long as he needed. Darry knew Soda would prefer to be with Steve, but he didn't want Soda anywhere near Mr. Randle, the man was dangerous when he was drunk. The last thing Darry needed was for Soda to get in the way, first off it would look bad to the State if Soda had a bruise across his face, like Steve sometimes shows up with…though, Darry was pretty sure Steve would never let his Father get that close to Soda. Either way, Darry didn't want to expose his little brother to drunken bastards anymore than he already has been.

The old nurse, the same woman from before who couldn't really answer any of their questions, came through, shooing them all out. It was a relief to Soda to find out that him and Darry could stay, since they're related to Ponyboy. The guys left reluctantly, but the nurse wasn't having any of that, she promptly told them when visiting hours started the next day and that she'd see them then. She'd already let them stay longer than the visiting hours, something she was not supposed to do, her voice had a motherly twinge to it as she said, "I've already ignored you long enough, now move it, boys," she ushered them out, barely letting them say goodbye to what was left of the Curtis family.

She turned towards Darry and Soda, "The other nurse got in late, that's why I was able to let them stay a little longer, she'd have none of that. My name is Beverly, I don't remember if I told you that or not earlier. I'll be Pony's nurse during the day shift, Alexandra takes the night shift, I'm sure she'll be in soon, which means I need to get out of here," the nurse grinned, it was obvious she didn't care much for the other nurse. "Goodnight and when I say that, it means you two need to get some sleep too," she called over her shoulder.

Soda glanced at Darry, "I hope that doesn't mean Alexandra is going to be a pain in the ass."

"Watch the mouth, Soda, and seeing how I liked Beverly, it means Alexandra will probably irritate me. Great, on top of everything, the nurse is probably going to be giving us the 'you're not worthy' look," Darry complained softly.

Soda laughed for the first time that night, making Darry feel like he'd done something right. "You got that from Ponyboy," he grinned a little.

Darry nodded, "Perfect description, we lucked out with Dr. Hines, he was real nice."

"I think Two-Bit liked him the best," Soda agreed.

Darry snorted, "He just liked the doctor's dry humor," he rolled his eyes. "I bet-what's the matter, little buddy?"

Soda's eyes narrowed onto Pony's body, "He moved, I know he did this time." More than once Soda had claimed Pony moved, whether it was an eyelid or whatever part of his body, Soda would then stare at Pony with the utmost attention, until he realized thirty minutes had gone by and the movement, if any, was probably nothing more than a twitch. "Like, move moved, his hand is in a different place," Soda pointed to Pony's hand that he wasn't holding. Darry silently picked up his chair and sat next to Soda. Even if Soda was wrong, Darry still wanted to be closer to both of his brothers.

"Pony?" Soda questioned softly.

An unintelligible sound escaped Ponyboy's throat. Soda and Darry held their breaths as Pony's eyes shot open. Relief, concern, and love pulsed through both of them. It was the relief that felt the best. Ever since they'd heard the dreadful news that their baby brother was hurt, it was like they had a bruise covering their souls that ached with every beat of their heart.

Pony clenched his eyes tightly together after opening them all the way; he hissed and turned his head to the side.

"Too bright, kiddo?" Darry asked rhetorically, already on his way over to turn the lights off completely. "There that should be better."

Pony opened one eye cautiously, relaxing when he found it was much less painful now that the lights were out. His whole body still hurt. His head pounded with the steady beeping sound that he could not, for the life of him, figure out where it was coming from. The worst pain of all was in his side, it was sharp, and hurt with every breath he took.

Pony was confused at first and ignored his brothers' questions. He glanced around, the images of the accident playing through his mind. His breathing started to increase with panic.

"Pony calm down," Soda pleaded to deaf ears as Darry left the room to find a doctor.

All Pony could think about was the burning. The flames engulfing the car, the car his parents were still in.

They were in the car!

Pony met Soda's eyes and then scanned the hospital room.

One thing was blatantly obvious to Pony as he glanced back to Soda's face: He really watched his parents burn to death.

* * *

So, I really like how this chapter turned out. I pretty sure it is the longest chapter I have ever written. I'm not sure why, but chapter two and three are longer than the amount I usually write...well lucky you!

Thanks for all the reviews, I love them.

PLEASE REVIEW!


	4. Concern

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

(Darry's POV)

* * *

I knocked hesitantly on the door. I could hear the squeak of a chair as my boss rose from it. I hardly ever talked to Mr. Williams; I never had a reason to besides my interview or a short conversation. For my interview, I mostly rode on my Father's reputation as a good man and a hard worker. The fact that I had a good physique due to football probably helped me get the job as well. He knew I was more than capable of doing the work, and I was quick to assure that I was a quick learner.

Roofing hadn't been too bad at first. I even found it interesting, but the novelty soon wore off. It was a part time job, a way to earn some extra cash, and to put forth some money to help my parents out with tuition, it wasn't supposed to turn into a job that I was going to rely on. Too bad, I guess a lot of things have changed.

I knew I wasn't going to like having this job full time, that is, if I'm even given the chance to work full time. It didn't matter whether it was my dream job or not, it was a job, it had pay, and full time had benefits as well. I needed money real bad, hospital bills aren't cheap, food isn't cheap, and neither is a mortgage. I need this job.

I never realized how many things my parents paid for. Food, electric, cable, gas, etc., and they still managed to give each of us ten dollars when we needed it. I took them for granted.

"Darry, how you've been?" Mr. Williams' question was genuine. He liked my Father, and he didn't mind me either. There'd been a few occasions where he'd invited our whole family over to his house for a get together, he was a nice man. A nice man…and also a business man, even if he likes me personally, that wouldn't guarantee me squat.

My smile was more of a grimace as I replied, "I'm alright, but I need to talk to you about something important." It wasn't like I was going to tell him I was scared, that my whole world was coming apart. Not only were my parents dead, Soda is an emotional wreck, and Pony has been flitting in and out of consciousness ever since he woke up two nights ago. Not to mention I felt stupid and naïve. I don't know anything. No one ever prepared me for this, how to deal with doctors, bills, all the paperwork that seemed to keep coming at me, setting up a funeral, everything was happening so fast.

I feel whiplashed.

Now, I needed to ask him for a full time job. Would he laugh in my face about my plans to fight for custody of my brothers? Did I even do well enough, that he'd let me take on this job full time. I knew Mr. Williams didn't hire anyone, and I also knew I got this job mostly due to my Father. If Mr. W. had any problem with me what so ever, then I would be looking for a new job this afternoon.

My fears are probably irrational. I worked hard, but I was still "Little Curtis" to everyone here. I wasn't sure if I had earned my way to a full time job yet, but I really needed it.

Mr. W. looked at me with concern, "What's the matter, Darry, what can I do for you?"

"Sir, I'm planning on trying to get custody over my brothers, but in order to do so I have to forgo college. There's no way I can balance raising those two, and going to the University," I glanced down and rung my hands nervously. "I was hoping I could start working for you full time instead of part time, I really need a full time job. I can't run a household on part time pay. Also, I need one sooner rather than later, I need to make sure the State realizes I'm serious, and that they realize I will be able to take care of my brothers."

Depending on pay, I might even need more than one job…

I wasn't sure how hard it'd be to raise Sodapop and Ponyboy. It didn't matter how difficult it was, I had to get custody over them. I didn't want to lose my brothers. Even though, I had to admit, giving up college hurt in a whole new way. It had been my goal for so long. Hell I had reached my goal, but now I was forced to chose between something I worked so hard for, and my brothers.

There's really no competition. My brothers come before anything else.

Mr. Williams sat back in his leather chair, "I'll give you a full time position. I don't see why not, you've always worked hard, never came in late, never even called in sick until this past week…and it was for good reason too, so yes you can have a full time position, on one condition."

I glanced at him in confusion, "What condition would that be, Sir?"

"You tell me how you're really doing, son," he gave me a sad smile.

I grimaced, almost bitterly, in return. "What do you want to know?" I sniffed, I was pretty sure he could see everything on my face. I felt like his dark, wise gaze saw right through me.

He continued to stare at me, knowing I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to sit here and spill my guts. Well I didn't want to. I'm not the type to sit down and talk about my feelings, and I really didn't want to start now. I just came here for a job, not a therapy section.

I sat back and huffed a little bit, I really needed that job, and I felt like he was being serious.

"I'm worried. I worry about everything, especially my brothers. Soda is…not good. He's better now that he knows Ponyboy will be alright, and has had the chance to talk to Pony, but everything is wearing him down. He's so worried about Pony, I'm pretty sure that's all the thinks about. Maybe, that's just his way of not thinking about Mom and Dad, I don't really know. Pony, on the other hand, is always half out of it. I'm happy he's awake, but he's so far away. When he first woke up, he was so panicked…I-I just don't know how to deal with him like that. None of us have been through anything like this, and I don't know how to help them," I swallowed and frowned, looking down at my shoes. "Even though I don't know exactly what to do, and I don't know everything, I still want custody of them both. I may not know how to do everything now, but I will, and I know it's better for us if we stay together than if they're taken away and we're split up…I'm just worried about everything."

"I know you're worried, Darry, but you're a smart boy. Your brothers are good kids as well. I'm sure once they get over the shock they'll be able to cope just fine. And, I wouldn't worry so much about not knowing how to help them, I'm sure your presence alone is enough," Mr. W. sighed softly, "I really hope everything works out well for you three. I know you're young, but I also know you can take care of those boys."

I gave him a small smile, "Thank you, sir, it's good to hear someone has confidence in me, besides my buddies."

"No problem, Darry. Now onto business, I'm going to have you sign a new contract for full time, and we're going to have to discuss your schedule. I understand that the next few weeks will be a bit hectic, between obtaining custody over your brothers, and Pony in the hospital, and other matters. I'll be a little lenient with you. However, by this time next month I expect you to be in here just like everyone else, understood?" He looked at me under dark, heavy eyebrows.

"Yes, sir," I hope he could hear the gratitude in my voice. That deal was far better than I could've expected. He understood I was going to have a difficult time coming into work with everything going on. It wasn't like I could miss court, Pony leaving the hospital, the funeral…He understood that, and was willing to let me have the personal time in order to deal with all of that. Many other bosses probably would've told me to come back when my personal problems were all dealt with.

After the meeting with Mr. Williams, that turned out better than I could've ever expected, I headed back towards the hospital.

Unfortunately, I was going to have to start smoothing out a couple more details for the funeral. Mrs. Matthews has been an angel sent straight from heaven. She'd gone down the church and funeral place with me to help me set everything up. Honestly, I didn't even know where to start. I figured I'd look up funeral houses in the phone book, but how would I know what's a good deal and what isn't? I didn't have that much money for the funeral, even though I wanted nothing but the best for my parents, I wasn't going to be able to afford the most beautiful cathedral for the mass. Mrs. Matthews had planned her Father's funeral a couple years ago, and showed me what to do. She helped me get the obituary ready in due time, the head stones, pick out the coffins, heck even decide between cremating or burying their bodies. I went with burying them; it was obviously going to be a closed casket at the wake. It felt wrong to cremate them, since fire ended up being what killed them in the first place. If that fire hadn't started, there was chance they could've been saved…so no cremation.

I really would've been screwed without Mrs. Matthews; I was going to have to get her something for helping out so much. I don't even know how I could show her how grateful I am.

I headed up to Ponyboy's room, wondering who I was going to find there. The gang came whenever they pleased, as long as it was during visiting hours. They'd already tried to test the nurses by coming and going whenever they pleased, and to say the least, it didn't work out well. It came down to they'll make sure the gang would never be able to visit Pony, or come during visiting hours. I just hope the gang didn't get into anymore trouble while I was gone; I didn't need the extra stress of worrying over their behavior. Though in the back of my mind, I knew they all just wanted to help us out, it was nice knowing they had our backs.

I smiled at the sight that I was met when I entered the hospital room. Pony and Soda were both asleep in the hospital bed, Pony's head was on Soda's shoulder, and Soda had his arm wrapped behind Pony's shoulders and his head resting on top of Pone's.

I sighed; it was a relief to see Soda getting some sleep.

I threw the blankets over them, and watched a smile grace Soda's face as he snuggled closer to Pony.

That's why I really need to win custody over them.

* * *

Whoo, another chapter complete.

I just had to get into Darry's head. Did I do a good job? I felt like he was still clueless as to what to do, but would try his best anyway.

Special thanks to those who reviewed last chapter, especially since there weren't a whole ton.

PLEASE REIVEW! MAKE DARRY FEEL BETTER, BY SHOWING HIM YOUR SUPPORT!


	5. Cerulean

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

(Third Person POV)

* * *

I'll be by your side when nighttime it runs on

And the children they ride high

I'll be standing on the sun

Burn into the light, burn into the sun

Find these lines that climb from inside

The dream in between, the words you might

Hear me slur as the vision it blur

And the sun sets and you don't know who to follow

And the path that they passed seems shallow

You never know where you might go

But the seed that you plant is the seed that you sew

-Darkness into Light by Matisyahu

* * *

He was out of it.

Ponyboy had been flitting in and out of consciousness for a couple days now. Soda and Darry were relieved that their younger brother had awaken, but they didn't like how most of the time he wasn't conscious. Still, what bothered them the most was how…_dead_ his expression was when he was awake.

It was like he wasn't there at all. The entire gang had been coming and going. They'd all had their chance to talk to the youngest Curtis, but he barely responded. He just stared at the wall, and nodded his acknowledgement, but anyone could tell he wasn't listening.

Darry and Soda had decided it was best to tell Pony about the passing of their parents was to throw the gang out (meaning they couldn't come during lunch) and to make sure they didn't beat around the bush. Both of Ponyboy's brothers knew the younger Curtis got anxious easily, and they didn't want to stress him out too much, but they couldn't keep this information to themselves either, so they had to get straight to the point, and hope for the best.

"Hey, Pony, we need to talk," Soda gave him a small reassuring grin, but he couldn't hide the dread him his eyes. Soda was pretty sure Pony didn't notice the tension that seemed to be humming between him and Darry. Pony had always been slightly oblivious, absent minded at times, but Soda felt like this was slightly ridiculous. Usually, Pony would pick up right away when something was bothering one of his brothers, yet he just lied there, gazing at them with a blank expression. Soda didn't like Pony acting like this.

"What?" Pony grumbled, just to show to his brothers that they had his attention. Pony was angry and upset underneath the façade he had created. He knew what they were about to tell him. He already _knew_. How could he not? He was _there._ He watched everything. He saw…he saw…_everything._ He saw too much, and he didn't want to hear what his brothers' had to say. He wasn't ready to have this discussion. This conversation was going to make what happened real, laying here in this bed he could just deny it all. Denial was so much better, hurt so much less…

He just wanted to be left alone to think, but they didn't leave him alone. He was never alone. Even when there wasn't somebody in the room, albeit that was very rare, he still knew someone could walk in at any moment. The incessant beeping and other noises that filled the hospital never stopped. Pony was spacey at best due to the drugs that pumped through his broken body, and he hated it. He couldn't _think!_

"I'm not sure what you remember about…about the accident, Pony," Darry said hesitantly. It was rare for Darry not to be sure about something. Darry didn't like the feeling of not understanding, not knowing what the right thing to do was. No one had said anything about the car accident, or their parents, it was an unspoken agreement that the topic was taboo.

It sure as hell didn't help Darry any when Pony didn't respond, but continued to stare at them uninterested, as if they were discussing something like the stock market. Darry wondered if Pony realized how painful he was making this for them.

Pony cleared his throat, "They died. I'm not stupid. If they didn't die, you wouldn't be here all the time or they'd be in here." Pony let his head sag back into the pillow. He watched as his brothers' figures became slightly distorted. His vision blurred and he blocked out the sounds of the hospital. He didn't feel like talking, so he turned his attention to the flowers in the window sill, they were real pretty, all the colors.

That was another thing that bothered Pony; there was no color in this room. It was all white, and most of the time the lights were dimmed, making everything real dark. The black and white television sometimes played in the corner, but most of the time Pony demanded for it to be off. All the damn noise made his head hurt.

Darry and Soda were caught off guard by the detached statement Ponyboy made about their parents. He didn't seem to react at all to what he just said. They were dead, that was that. Soda had expected tears, or at least some sort of emotion in his baby brother's expression, but he got nothing. Darry watched as Pony turned his head back to the window, staring at the flowers yet again. Darry felt annoyed with Pony, was he seriously more interested in the flowers, than the fact that their parents _died?_

Darry didn't understand what was going through Ponyboy's head. It wasn't the first time he's wondered what the heck his brother could be thinking, and it certainly wasn't the last. However, this time Darry really wished he understood him a bit better. Pony was always so sensitive, and caring, how could he take this so easily, almost as if nothing had happened.

Darry got up shaking his head. He left a dejected looking Sodapop in a chair, while Pony started to drift to sleep yet again. He was starting to miss Soda's usual happy attitude. Soda always seemed excited for something, even when nothing was really going on. Darry hoped Soda cheered up a bit after the funeral. Soda wouldn't be Soda if he wasn't bouncing off the wall, keyed up over just plain living.

Darry easily found the doctor; he wanted to understand why his littlest brother was acting like this, because frankly it was scaring Darry.

"Dr. Hines? Can I speak with you for a moment?" Darry called to the older man.

"Of course, Darrel, do you want to step into my office?"

"Uh, no, I don't think that's necessary," Darry glanced at his feet for a moment, composing himself. "Soda and I just told Pony about our parents, well we were going to, and Pony said he already knew they were dead. But, he said it as if he doesn't care. He hasn't been acting himself at all, and it's really starting to bother me. I don't understand how it can't bother him that our parents are gone. He's a kid; this sort of thing should bother him. Soda and I were expecting him to start bawling, and he just-_nothing, _absolutely nothing," Darry ran a hand through his hair, distressed by his brother's behavior.

Soda came out to stand next to Darry, "He's asleep again," he muttered quietly, frowning, just as mystified with Pony's reaction.

"Come here, boys," the doctor ushered both of them into his office, despite Darry's earlier protest. "Your brother has gone through a rather traumatic event. Detaching himself from the situation emotionally is the way he's dealing with the event. The drugs probably make it a bit easier to let his mind wonder away from the seriousness of the situation also."

"So you're saying Pony's trying to act like it didn't happen? But he said they were dead, me and Darry didn't even have to say anything," Soda said, bewildered.

"He knows it's the truth, but even though he's saying it, that doesn't mean he really believes it. Sort of like when you take time to digest information, Pony understands that their dead, but it hasn't real hit home yet," Dr. Hines searched for the right words to describe what was happening to the boys' brother.

Soda nodded, understanding a little better. Darry asked, "Will he be alright? How long will this last, the funeral is at the end of the week."

"It just may take the funeral for him to finally understand that this is real. Ponyboy needs time, Darrel. He needs time to think, to try and comprehend what just happened. I'm sure it's very difficult for him, especially since we do not know exactly what he witnessed," Dr. Hines responded gently.

"So you're just saying Pony's mind needs time to be able to understand what happened because too much happened for it to get right away," Soda said slowly, trying to clear up what the doctor was telling him.

"Yes, that pretty much sums it up," Dr. Hines smiled.

"Do you think he'll be alright after the funeral? You don't think this behavior is going to last beyond that do you?" Darry's forehead creased with worry, he didn't like the idea of his brother being so void of emotion. It just wasn't Ponyboy. Pony acting like this, was like Soda turning around and saying he wanted to be a lawyer. It just doesn't work.

"I can't tell you for sure. He just needs time, Darrel, and you're going to have to give it to him. Trying to force a reaction from him isn't going to help matters either. He leaves the hospital tomorrow afternoon; my advice is just jump into a normal routine as soon as possible. If he's usually by himself at certain time, then let him be by himself. I promise you, Pony will be fine, but time is the key to that," Dr. Hines said.

Darry nodded, knowing he was going to have to be patient, something that was not his strong suit.

"Anymore questions?" The doctor smiled at them again, both boys gave him a strained smile in return, before leaving the office.

They entered the room yet again. Pony was in one of the hospital seats near the window. Pony had gotten up only to go to the bathroom, and that was usually with a helping hand. He was still wobbly on his feet. The fact he got up on his own annoyed both Darry and Soda, what if he injured himself further because he was too damn stubborn to wait and ask for help?

"Pony, what the world are you doing over there?" Darry demanded.

"You know someone is supposed to help you if you need to get up," Soda added.

"I just wanted to see who the flowers were from," Pony shrugged. "I was real careful, and I made it over in one piece, so don't get your panties in a twist," Pony mouthed off to the both of them.

Darry didn't want to deal with his attitude. It just pissed him off. Pony was always annoying when he was sick, or didn't feel well. If something bothered Ponyboy, he wanted to either be alone, or he took almost every chance to add in a snarky comment into the conversation. Soda, however, was just happy that Pony was acting somewhat like himself.

"They're from your English class, alright. You could've just asked one of us. Now, get back into that bed and rest, _before _you hurt yourself and you have to stay here longer," Darry's mind flitted to the numbers that was estimated for his bill. Darry sure didn't want to add anymore to that number.

Pony eyed the orange tulip that had yellow lining the other rim of the petals. It was real nice, and they smelled good. They smelled fresh, and not like artificial antiseptic smell that covered every corner of the hospital. Pony wanted to go outside. He was fed up with being stuck in this room, with the stupid IV that he had to wheel around every time he got up. Not to mention, the nightgown thing they made him wear. At least he had underwear on now and wasn't accidently flashing everyone his butt whenever he got up and forgot about the open back of the hospital gown.

"I get to go home tomorrow, if I can't walk to the window, there's going to be a real problem at home," Pony grumbled absently, glancing over his shoulder briefly has Steve, Two-Bit, and Johnny ambled in. School must be over, Pony noted.

"Just don't do it again, Pony," Darry let the subject drop for now. There was no use in arguing with Ponyboy right now. Most likely, Pony would forget they even had this conversation. It wasn't like he was really paying attention to anything either of his brothers had to say.

Johnny eyed Pony, trying to see any signs of him being upset. Johnny didn't see any, and wondered in Darry and Soda's plans to tell their brother about their parents ended up falling through.

"How's it going, guys?" Soda greeted.

Steve snorted, "If one more person asks me about the kid, I'm going to kick their ass, it's getting annoying."

Pony glanced over his shoulder, slightly curious. Soda was happy to see Pony participate in a conversation. "Who asked for me?" Pony asked.

Two-Bit grinned, "Everyone wants to know what's going on. You're a big part of the gossip circle this week, Ponykid."

Pony made a face. He didn't necessarily want that kind of attention. He liked to get noticed for track, but not over something like this. He didn't want to talk about it, and come Monday or Tuesday when he went back to school, he knew there would be a lot of questions people would want him to answer.

"Yeah, a Miss Lucy asked for you today, she was awful cute, Ponyboy," Two-Bit wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at the youngest Curtis.

Pony grimaced slightly. "She's gross," he muttered. "I don't like anyone, Two-Bit, I already told you that."

"That don't mean nobody likes you," Two-Bit rolled his eyes; he was waiting for the day the kid started to like skirts. He could teach him so much!

Johnny came to Pony's aid, "By gross, he means she sleeps around a bit. At least, that's what we've heard. She's not that nice either," Johnny added the last part quietly.

Steve chuckled, "Doesn't mean you can't play around with her a bit."

"Shut up, Steve," Darry snapped, "Its good he's staying away from girls like that, they'll bring nothing but trouble."

Pony couldn't help but think that Lucy is a blonde. Of course Two-Bit would think she's cute, he likes any gal whose blonde. Personally, Pony didn't share the fetish with Two-Bit or Soda. Those two always hounded after blondes. Pony, if he really had to choose, liked red hair. It wasn't as common as blondes and brunettes, and there's this cheerleader at his school who had the prettiest red hair.

But that didn't really matter; Pony didn't care much for girls yet. He didn't see anything real special about them. The gang said he'd have a change of heart eventually, but Pony didn't really care at the moment.

Pony watched as the guys bickered and started a poker game on his bed. So much for him getting back in bed like Darry told him. He didn't know why the gang kept coming. It was boring here, and he wouldn't blame them if they wanted to leave, yet they sat there and did the only thing they really could do here, played poker and bullshitted about the girls and the upcoming drag race competitors.

Pony watched the setting sun from his window, and for the first time in his life, he didn't find much comfort from it. The sun always sets in the West. It sets every night; it was something Pony could always rely on to happen.

This twilight was different though, Pony gazed at the reds and oranges that lit the night's sky, gazing farther up he could see the blues of nighttime creeping in. Pony looked back to the red part of the sun, and for a second, pictured the face of the sun, a ball of fire came to mind.

Pony shuddered as he an image popped into his mind unwanted, a '54 Nash engulfed in flames.

* * *

"Tulips as Get Well Gifts  
Due to their association with spring and new life, tulips make wonderful get well flowers. Send a bouquet with pink tulips to symbolize your affection and caring or send yellow tulips to bring cheerfulness to those recovering from illness. Orange tulips mean energy, enthusiasm, desire, and passion. Orange tulips can be a great pick-me-up and source of inspiration for those who ill."

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Chapters a little late, sorry, but between friends, a party, and getting my permit Friday, I didn't have time to write. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Thanks so much for all the support you guys are giving me!

REVIEW! ( Pony says he'll help me respond )


	6. Conscious

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

(Third Person POV)

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Pony watched as Darry rushed around to get ready for work. Earlier that morning, he had finally been discharged from the white hell they call a hospital. Pony believed they make the place boring and miserable, to give the patients a reason to get better quickly. Nobody wants to stay there. They poke and prod at you, they never leave you alone. Every couple hours a nurse would check on you. Pony hated being woken up in the middle of the night. It was always difficult for him to fall asleep in the first place; his mind never seemed to want to shut up long enough for him to slip into the land of dreams.

Darry hadn't been able to go to work because of him this morning, but that didn't mean he wasn't going into work at all. He was going to be working all afternoon, which was going to be rather difficult due to the humidity. Everything was sticky, the kind of sticky that made you want to stay away from people, and not touch a thing. In fact, the humidity was making Pony, who already felt pretty bad since he was now off the continuous administration of meds, feel sick to his stomach.

At least, Sodapop was able to stay home with Pony today. Soda was glad he wasn't going to have to sit in a stuffy garage all day. He generally liked his job at the DX. It was easy, and there was always some form of entertainment. On slow, or rainy days, he could read one of the many magazines that the DX always had in stock. Some of the costumers could always make Soda smile, meaning the many girls who stopped in everyday.

Not to mention, he got to work with his best buddy Steve. How many guys were lucky enough to work with their best friend? Soda didn't think there were many. He and Steve always managed to have a good time when they were together. Girls, cars, his best buddy at his side, and a boss that didn't lie around and watch them, Soda definitely couldn't complain about his job. Today was just plain gross, it was hot, and the sky had been threatening a rain storm all day, so Soda was happy to be able to stay home with his little brother.

Soda liked hanging out with Pony, just the two of them. He felt bad that Darry couldn't stay with them. But, at least this gave him a chance to talk to Pony. He was good at getting the kid to spill his guts. Soda knew the situation was difficult for Pony, and he was going to get Pone to come clean about his feelings. Soda knew he was going to have to take it slow, but when Pony was willing to talk, Soda was going to make sure he was there to listen.

Soda ambled out of his bedroom; he'd started to clean it like Darry told him. The only problem was Soda kept getting distracted by different things he found buried underneath all the junk that managed to pile up in his room.

Soda found a silver necklace with a horse charm on it. It had been a gift from Ponyboy when Soda was still riding over at the ranch on the other side of town. Soda knew Mom and Dad had been the money behind the gift, and Pony had picked it out. Darry had been the one to help assure Pony that the gift was something Soda would like. It had been a family effort to get the perfect gift for Soda after he pulled in a few blue ribbons during rodeo season.

The gift was to show Soda how proud they were of him. Soda had gone through a bought of jealously at the time. Darry was a star football player, with editorials in the newspaper, and Pony brought home straight A's without breaking a sweat, and was on his way to becoming one of the best track stars there were at his elementary school. Then there was Soda, he didn't do well in school, and he didn't really care much for sports. He'd felt kind of forgotten as he watched the attention his siblings got. The only attention Soda seemed to get was negative, like when he got sent home with a note from his teacher for disturbing the class by showing Steve how loud he could fart with his armpit. Soda had gotten over his jealously once he realized his family was proud at him for doing good at the rodeos, and they had even gotten him a gift, he hadn't seen Pony or Darry get a gift before.

Soda smiled at the memory, the glory of being a middle child. He was embarrassed to admit he'd forgotten about the necklace, and when he came across it, he started bawling. He wanted nothing more than to walk into the kitchen, and wrap his arms around his Mother. She wasn't a very tall lady, so Soda knew once he wrapped his arms around her middle, he'd be able bury his nose into the wheat colored hair that he inherited from her, and smell the sugary scent that his Mother always seemed to have. Dad would chuckle from the table, watching the scene with a smile on his face…

Cleaning his room out was proving to be much more difficult than Soda expected. Little trinkets kept appearing, making him remember where he'd gotten them, and more often than not, it was from his parents.

Soda sighed, rubbing his bleary eyes. He could hear the floorboards creaking in the living room, and knew Pony was up and walking around. Soda huffed at his brother's stubbornness, Darry and Soda had made it perfectly clear that Pony needed to rest. Whatever Pony needed, someone would gladly get for him. Hooking the clasp of the necklace, and yanking the collar of his shirt so the necklace disappeared beneath it, Soda got up and went to see what Pony was doing.

Smoking, Soda rolled his eyes; of course Pony would be smoking. Soda sat down on the porch, already starting to sweat just from moving that little bit. Soda shook his head; Darry was going to be drenched and grumpy when he got home later…Not to mention unhappy due to his lack of progress cleaning his bedroom. Darry wanted everything spotless and in order for when the State comes to visit this week. Soda grimaced; he really needed to get a move on.

Pony watched the smoke waft upwards from the butt end of the cigarette. He wanted the Kools, but the smell reminded him of the smoke he'd smelt before the car caught fire. Pony didn't like being reminded of that day, but everywhere he turned there were reminders.

Pony just wanted it to go away for a little while, shove the memories deep into his mind and keep it there. Couldn't he smoke a goddamn cigarette without thinking about the accident?

Apparently, the answer was no.

Pony glanced over at Soda, noting the red rimmed eyes on his brother. Either Soda had been crying, or smoking weed in his bedroom. Pony was going to go with the first option. Soda wasn't dumb enough to get mixed into drugs, plus there were plenty of reasons for his brother to cry. Their parents were dead. This could be one of the last nights they got to stay in this house together. Pony gulped, he'd never be able to leave his brothers. Nobody would make him. The thought of being taken from the only family he had left upset him and made him angry.

Pony was so angry. Angry that he wasn't able to help his parents, angry at whomever the other driver was who hit them, and angry that the State wanted to take him away from the only family he had left. Pony wasn't used to feeling so mad all the time, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. He didn't know how to get the anger to go away. Pony decided to just push it away, stop thinking about it. The pain medication the doctor had given Pony had been a blessing, it made him groggy and he slept a lot from it, making it easy to push away everything he was feeling.

Two days ago Pony had been begging to be left alone so he could think. Now, he'd do anything to keep himself from thinking.

It was just too much to deal with. He's thirteen; shouldn't his biggest problem be whether or not he got a good grade on that last math test, or worrying over his next track meet? Pony could feel the knots of stress in his shoulders and back. He knew, once Soda noticed this, he'd probably tell Pony he should be relaxing and resting. How was he supposed to relax though, when he couldn't even think straight!

His whole world was being thrown upside down. Last week, his biggest worry was what was it going to be like without Darry around. Pony wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was going to miss Dar a lot when he went off to college, but now that wasn't even happening. His parents were dead. He was thirteen, not thirty, his parents shouldn't be dead yet. Hell, his parents had barely gotten past their thirties! His Dad had just celebrated his fortieth birthday. It didn't make sense that things could change so quickly.

Pony knew life wasn't fair. He'd lived long enough to figure that out. You learn it pretty young on the East Side, but now it felt like Fate had dived into his life. Pony always believed in Fate, but he also believed that Fate only chose a select few. Certain people had a certain path for them, and everyone else wondered aimlessly around, following whatever society deemed as the right thing to do. Pony originally thought that he was one of those aimless people, doing as told, and following a well beaten path that many had taken before him. Now he wasn't so sure.

Pony sat up straighter as he followed this train of thought. Maybe, his parents were those people that Fate chose. Why else would the die so young? Now Pony and his brothers were left here, wondering aimlessly, to deal with the consequences. Fate had brushed his life in that car when she'd taken his parents. Now what? Was Fate working with God, making a plan for his life? Or, now was he just to continue on the path he'd been on all of his life?

Pony couldn't help but wonder if there'd been a reason he hadn't died. He felt so guilty that he hadn't dragged his parents out with him. When he'd tumbled out of the door, he should've tried to get the driver's side open and get his Father out, who hadn't had the chance since he was already unconscious…maybe dead, Pony wasn't sure. His Mother, God have mercy on him, he hadn't helped his Mother. Sure, she'd been trapped, but Pony is a smart boy, he could've figured it out. But, at what cost? All three of their lives?

Pony almost snorted aloud, it probably would've been easier for his brothers if he did go on and die. If he'd died helping his parents, then he wouldn't have to live with this _guilt_. This guilt that weighed heavily on his soul, that made him sit with a hunch.

If he had died, Darry would've been able to go to college. Soda was sixteen, nearly seventeen; the State didn't care about him much. Darry could leave Soda alone without repercussions. Soda worked, and Darry would've been able to keep a part time job, gone to college, and between the two keep everything in order. However, it wasn't that easy now, Pony was the weak link. The extra mouth to feed, the extra body to clothe, and the thirteen year old that couldn't do much work due to injury, and the fact that the only job he could probably get was paperboy.

Pony grimaced, _paperboy, _ugh. He didn't even like riding his bike.

Pony rubbed his head. A headache thumped steadily, making him even more miserable.

Pony only knew one thing for sure; he was going to Hell for this. He'd basically let his parents die.

"If you're head is hurting, you can take one of them pills, you haven't taken any since last night right?" Soda spoke softly, not wanting to aggravate Pony's headache anymore.

"I haven't eaten anything, Darry said I can't take one until I eat," Pony frowned. He wasn't very hungry; in fact his stomach was kind of uneasy. "I don't want one anyways."

Soda frowned. He hated this little habit of Ponyboy's. When anything bothered the kid, he just quit eating. Soda didn't understand the habit at all. Why would you quit eating? How did that help anything? "Well, let's get you some food then. It might help you feel better if you actually got something in you."

"I ain't hungry," Pony stared at the gray clouds overhead, noting how well they matched his mood, and the thoughts running through his head. Nothing was ever simple; nothing was ever black and white, always gray.

"Ponyboy, don't start this crap about not eating," Soda groaned. _So much for subtly getting into things, _he thought to himself. "I don't like when you quit eating 'cause something's bothering you, why can't you just come out and talk about it?"

"Nothing's bothering me, I just don't feel that great and I ain't hungry!"

"You do this every time you're stressed about something, you stop eating," Soda snapped back.

"Well, Jeez, I _wonder_ what could be bothering me. Hmm, the fact that I was just cooped up in a hospital room, or maybe the fact our parents are dead, or maybe 'cause we might get sent to a boys home in a few days!" Pony yelled the sarcasm heavy. "Nope, I don't see any reason to be bothered."

"Well, how about instead of sitting there and brooding about it, you actually talk about it! Then maybe it won't bother you so much," Soda grumbled, trying to keep his tone down. He really didn't like this Pony, he wanted his sweet little brother, not this bitter kid in front of him.

"What's there to talk about?" Pony motioned with his hand haphazardly. "They're dead, what can I say about it?"

"Whatever you got to say about it! You were there, Ponyboy, nobody is oblivious to that fact. It's got to bother you that you were there. I mean how'd you get out of the car?" Soda couldn't help but voice his curiosity. He wanted to know if someone helped Pony, how his parents didn't get helped. Soda didn't realize this was the question Pony was dreading, he wasn't aware of Pony's guilty conscious.

"How'd I get out of the car? Jesus, Soda, I opened the door," Pony rubbed his head again with his hands. "I don't want to talk about it. I mean, what I saw, ugh! It was horrible! What do you want to know? How I watched them die?" Pony was upset, and he was very close to losing it.

"I was there," Pony's voice cracked. "I heard them scream," Pony wasn't looking at Soda. "Dad was unconscious or dead right off the bat, I don't even know. Mom, she was stuck. She just told me to get out, and I did, but I didn't get it. I didn't understand, and–I just didn't get it!" Pony was swallowing against the lump in his throat. "I felt their pain. Seeing them burn, I could feel their pain, Mom screaming, you don't know what that was like," Pony's voice cracked. "I watched until they were nothing but corpses," he whispered the last part, almost too quietly for Soda to hear him. A sob broke from Ponyboy, and he slumped against the porch, using the railing that ran around it as a seat.

Soda walked over, trying hard not to start crying too. He wrapped his arms around Pony.

Pony reacted immediately, squirming out of Soda's hold screaming, "No! Don't you get it? I watched them die! I didn't help them! I should've done something, I should've tried to get them out and I didn't," Pony started pacing.

Soda whispered, "They wouldn't have wanted you to risk your life to, they'd want you to get away from the accident, especially if the car was on fire!" Soda's voice rose towards the end.

Pony headed back inside, "You don't get it. It wasn't on fire yet, I should've done something. I never even thought about it! I fell out of the car, and I don't even remember. Everything was like a movie, like I was watching and not experiencing, it moved so weird. Someone grabbed me, and then there was fire. I don't even know how much time passed, but I could've at least helped Ma, and I didn't. I didn't do anything! I was…selfish, and stupid, it hurt and I didn't _think_," Pony cried.

Soda held Pony even when he tried to push him away. Soda dragged him to the couch, whispering his reassurance. "Shh, it's wasn't your fault, baby. No one could expect you to help them. If there was smoke, then the fire followed quickly, you wouldn't have been able to do anything, even if you weren't hurt."

Ponyboy kept crying into Soda's shoulder. He wasn't sure if he believed Soda, but it sure felt good to be held in the protective arms of his big brother. Though, he didn't really think he deserved the comfort.

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So, only two reviews last chapter...was it that bad? Please, please, review, share your thoughts with me!

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FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT/INFORMATION: Pony's behavior explained, just in case you're wondering.

Pony's feeling pretty awful. In case he seems a little OOC, I have my reasons. Though I think this is how Pony would really react to this situation, some people may find him a little OOC, which I can understand. But, his reaction is pretty much classic PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This disorder wasn't really founded until after Vietnam, so that's why it wasn't mentioned by Dr. Hines last chapter. But Pony trying to push away his emotions is called dissociation, and is very common in children and adolescents who suffer from PTSD. Anger and irritability is also another common symptom, along with, flashbacks, headaches, stomachs, sleep problems, _nightmares_, emotional outbursts, problems concentrating, and many other symptoms. You've already witnessed a few of these symptoms throughout the story. So that's the story behind Ponyboy's behavior, just in case anyone is wondering.


	7. Cook?

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

**Please read:**I need to clear up a few things from the previous chapter. The bit about Pony being in elementary school was a memory from Soda while he cleaned his room. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear. Also, Soda is still in school, he just stayed home with Ponyboy that day because Darry needed to work.

(Third Person POV)

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Darry arrived home to Soda and Pony staring rather blankly at the television, while Pony rested his head in Soda's lap. It wasn't an entirely odd thing to come home to. However, the identical idiotic expressions that graced his brothers' features never ceased to amuse Darry. The only think holding him back from laughing, was the fact that he noticed tear streaks that, even though long dried, still stained both Soda and Pony's faces.

Darry allowed the screen door to slam behind him breaking the two out of their day dreams.

It was Soda's turn to hold back laughter, "Did you go swimming, Dar?" Soda playfully pouted, "Without me?" He faked outrage.

Darry glared, his amusement gone quicker than a flash of lightening, "Haha, I _wish_ that's why I was wet," Darry groaned. "I almost died out there today, I didn't know I could sweat this much."

Pony made a face, finally acknowledging Darry's presence, "You smell."

"Thanks," Darry grumbled sarcastically. He immediately left for his bedroom. Darry felt gross, the weather had not gotten any better through the day. It was mercifulness. He was beyond thirst, despite having drunk all the water he'd brought to work. His boss always bought the workers extra water, and there was sometimes a hose lying around too. Apart of one of the packages the company offered, was cleaning the siding of the house, therefore hoses were necessary. No matter how much water you drank, or how much you poured over your head, you didn't escape the heat.

Darry stripped off his white t-shirt, happy to get the clingy material off. He grabbed his clothes and quickly headed towards the bathroom, but not before catching sight of Soda's bedroom. Darry did a double take in disbelief. He was almost certain it looked _worse_ than it had this morning. Darry murmured softly to himself, "What the hell did he do in here?"

Shaking his head, his anger rising, "Sodapop Patrick Curtis, what the hell! I told you to clean your room, not make it worse! There ain't even a space to walk anymore! This should've been done hours ago," Darry glared at Soda's sheepish expression.

Soda padded down the hallway, rubbing the back of his head. He was in for it. He could tell by Darry's face that he'd messed up pretty bad. He already knew this though. Soda glanced at his room and winced a little.

"Well, care to explain this. All I asked was for you to clean your room, how hard can that be?" Darry growled.

Soda frowned, "There's a lot of stuff and-"

"Yes, I know that, and you were supposed to get rid of all this crap!" Darry cut him off, walked in and grabbed a toy car from the floor, "Soda, I really don't think you need this anymore," Darry dropped it to the ground, clenching his jaw.

"Let me finish! I was going through all that stuff, but there's just a lot," Soda paused, trying to explain how he felt when he saw some of the stuff, without sounding like a girl. "There are memories behind a lot of it, and it was difficult," Soda grimaced.

Darry's anger deflated quickly, realizing what type of memories Soda was talking about. He meant the kind that included Mom and Dad. The gleam of silver at Soda's neck caught Darry's attention. Soda's grin widened, "Look what I found," he said excitedly, pulling out the necklace from his shirt.

Of course Darry remembered the necklace. The only reason why he remembered the gift was because he'd never forget how Soda's face lit up when he got it. Darry sighed, wondering what other treasures from Soda's childhood laid under all the junk. Darry didn't understand why his parents didn't tell him to clean this mess up earlier. They always said it was their rooms, their sanctuaries, so they could do as they pleased with their spaces. The only catch was to keep the door closed; Ma didn't want anyone to see her sons' (namely Sodapop's) pigsties. Darry kept his room orderly, he felt like it made his life easier when he knew where everything was, and when everything has its place. Pony's room was messier than Darry's, but better than Soda's. Pony also had covered the largest bare wall with multiple pictures, some taped up, some tacked, some painted or drawn right onto the wall. Pony had even saved money to buy paint for the ceiling, where he painted a night sky scene. It was actually pretty tuff looking to the gang, it was unique.

Darry fixed Soda with a stern look, "Why don't you go try to attack that mess, _without _getting caught up with it. I'll come and help, but I got to make dinner since you and Pony are useless in that area, and I desperately need a shower," Darry maneuvered around Soda in the narrow hallway.

Soda called lightly over his shoulder as he entered his room, "Do us all a favor and shower first!"

Darry resisted the urge to throw Soda the finger. Usually, Darry wouldn't think about it twice, sure his Mom would scold him if she caught him, while his Dad would try not to laugh, telling him to listen to his Mother.

Darry wasn't going to have anyone yell at him or correcting his manners anymore. It was his responsibility to correct Soda and Ponyboy's manners. He had to make sure they grew up to be respectful citizens, just like his parents did for them. The first thing Darry could do was grow up, and resist flipping his brothers off, and cursing them out. Doing either would just make his brothers think it was okay for them to do it too.

Darry realized, as he stepped under the cooling spray of the shower, that he was going to have to set boundaries. He hadn't really given it much thought, but if he was serious (which of course he was) about taking his brothers into his custody, he was going to make sure they had rules. He was going to have to reinforce said rules. They could not, and would not, run wild. Darry was going to have to make it clear, that even though he was their older brother, they were going to have to listen and respect him, unless they wanted to be taken away to God knows where.

Darry hoped that it would be simple, that Soda and Pony would trust him and his decisions, even if they didn't want to agree with it. Darry hoped he would be able to make the right decisions, set the right rules, and keep everyone together and happy.

Darry frowned, most likely an easier said than done type of situation.

Darry hoped tomorrow would be better than today, weather wise that is. Tomorrow was his parents' funeral. He was anxious to get it over with. Everything had been arranged, and was in the process of being paid off.

Darry rolled his shoulders, helping the water loosen the tension that was locked up in his muscles.

It would be difficult, but not nearly as difficult as identifying their bodies last week. God, that had been horrible, probably the worst thing Darry had ever had to do, had to see. He grimaced as his mind conjured up the images he longed to forget. Darry figured he would get used to it eventually; it was one of those things you just had to live with, even if you didn't want to. Darry was beginning to notice there were a lot of those in life, or maybe it was just on the East Side that you had to accept and live with things that were less than pleasant, he was not sure.

He was most anxious about his brothers' reactions to the funeral. Neither of them had really been to a funeral for the entire time. The only funeral Darry ever attended was his grandparents, his Mother's parents specifically. Pony was too young to even remember their grandparents, Soda was too young to comprehend what was actually going on, and Darry hadn't known his grandparents well enough to really get upset over the situation. He and his brothers weren't even there for that long. Darry wasn't even sure how long most funerals were, but he did know that his parents' wake was Friday night, and another Saturday morning, before the burial Saturday afternoon.

That would be a long time for Soda to sit around. Darry knew Soda would pull through though. Ponyboy on the other hand…Darry didn't know what to expect from Pony. His little brother never seemed to react the way Darry expected. It could only go two ways: Pony dealt with relative ease, or Darry would have one distraught kid on his hands.

Darry hoped Ponyboy would deal well, but he didn't necessarily expect it. Darry turned off the faucet, stepping out of the shower and wrapped a thread bare towel around his hips.

In fact, if the way Pony had been acting lately was any indication, Darry expected Pony would most likely be hit hard by the sight of the caskets. It would probably make things more final for him. Pony hadn't really cried, or seemed upset over the situation, the only thing that ticked Darry off to Pony's inner turmoil was the fact Pony hadn't been eating.

Darry glanced at the mirror, "Stupid habit," he mumbled to his reflection. He'd never understand where Pony picked that particular habit up from; it certainly hadn't been from him.

Darry dressed, forgoing a shirt. He left and glanced in to see if Soda had even made a dent in the mass of clutter. He shook his head, Soda was leaning against his double bed, flipping lazily through a magazine…that had less than appropriate pictures.

"Come on, Soda! I said clean your room, not look at your porn! You're not even old enough for that," Darry walked in and grabbed the magazine, rolling it and smacking Soda on the head with it.

Soda had the decency to look embarrassed; they both could hear Pony laughing from the living room. Soda obviously didn't think he was going to get caught. "Sorry," Soda bit his lip against a grin. Even though he was slightly mortified, he apparently still found the situation funny. Then he paused, his expression changing, "What do you mean too young, I'm sixteen," Soda frowned.

"Exactly, sixteen, you don't need to look at this. Do you have anymore? If you do, hand them over now, and if I find any others after this, you are going to be in trouble, you hear me?"

Soda glared, reaching under his bed, he pulled one more out, "That's all I have. I don't see what the big deal is, you had them when you were my age."

His older brother glanced at him, "Girls are nothing but trouble, Sodapop," he warned. Darry was worried about this sort of thing, his brothers knew all of his mistakes, and what he got away with, he really hoped they wouldn't pull that card out, and Soda already was. "And, when I was your age, and Mom and Dad found out I had a nude mag, they took it away from me too."

Soda still looked like he wanted to argue, but didn't. He started to go through some clothes, smelling them to see if they were dirty or not. "I'm hungry, what's for dinner?" He asked, looking up at Darry.

"Burgers or hotdogs, something that I don't have to turn the oven on for, keep working alright," Dar eyed the mess. He glanced into the few boxes he had gotten, one was for garbage, the other was for clothes that were too small but Pony could use, and the last was for stuff Soda wanted to keep but had to find somewhere to put it. Darry would have to make sure whatever landed in the last box actually found a home and didn't permanently stay in the cardboard container.

Darry made his way towards the kitchen and threw out the magazines. He glanced at Pony, who was sprawled, almost awkwardly, across the couch. Darry noted that his face looked slightly redder than usual, and wondered if it was from heat or fever. He made his way over, placing his hand on his brother's forehead. He patted his cheek, "Do you feel alright?"

Pony wanted to tell Darry to leave him alone, but knew that would get him nowhere. "I'm fine," he mumbled.

Darry nodded, not really believing his brother. He turned and walked back into the kitchen. "I need to teach you and Soda how to cook. I'm not going to be your personal chef every night." Darry grinned a little at Pony's frown.

"The last time I tried to cook, I left the rolls in the oven so long they caught fire," Pony said wearily. "Soda doesn't cook," Pony grinned, "he bakes."

Darry couldn't help but smile. Soda liked to bake since he was a kid. He claimed he liked it because he could eat it afterwards before anyone else, and his Mom let him use food coloring sometimes. Soda secretly liked spending time with his Mother, though he wouldn't admit it, everyone knew it. Soda was always a Mama's Boy.

"Don't make fun of me!" Soda yelled, overhearing his brothers' conversation. He could tell by their voices, that they were probably laughing at him. Soda didn't mind, he knew they were joking. Baking might not be the toughest thing in the world…okay it wasn't tough at all, but Soda still liked it sometimes.

Loud enough for Soda to hear him, Darry said, "I'm serious, I'm going to have to teach you two how to cook. We'll switch or something."

Pony piped in, "The two who don't cook washes and dries the dishes."

"Good idea," Darry agreed.

Pony stumbled into the kitchen. He leaned against the cabinet as he watched Darry shape hamburger into patties, rubbing his side absent mindedly. It was slightly unnerving to Darry to have Pony just stare at him like that. "What?" He finally asked, annoyed.

Pony shrugged, looking as if he was thinking something over. He chewed on one of his nails before asking, "Are you sure you want to give up college?"

Darry glanced at him. "Yes, Pony, I'm sure," he turned the heat on under the pan.

"That's it?" Pony asked.

"What do you mean?" Darry frowned.

Pony shifted uncomfortably, "You're going to give it up just like that? You're not going to regret it? Like ten years from now, you're not going to resent me and Soda for it?" Pony was serious. He didn't want Darry to hate him a few years down the line when all his old friends are graduating from college. He didn't want Darry to hate him when he realizes he may not be able to get the job he wants because he doesn't have the degree for it.

Darry shook his head, wondering how the hell Pony could ever think that. "You're my brothers, and I'm going to watch out for the two of you like I'm supposed to. I don't want you being sent to some boy's home so I can go to college. School can wait; it'll be always be there. And, Pony," Darry made sure he met his eyes, "I could never resent either of you, ever, and I'm sure about my decision."

Pony was still chewing on his thumb nail, but nodded slowly. "If you're sure."

"I am," Darry said, turning back to the dinner before he burned it.

Darry knew it was going to be hard, but it would be worth it in the long run. He'd be able to stay with his family, and that was the best thing for him. Darry knew, and was completely sure, that it was the best thing for all of them. Hopefully, the State would see that too.

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Hey, everyone! I had this chapter done the day after I last posted, but then I lost internet connection for four days, and had to reset my entire computer and lost EVERYTHING. Luckily, I was able to save the chapter onto a flashdrive, but then I had to re-edit and redue all the setting on my computer (ugh).

Please make sure you read the AN uptop.

Thanks for all your reviews, please keep it up! I did give you a towel clad Darry. Haha. Review!


	8. Cataclysmic

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

(Third Person POV)

* * *

The morning began on a less than pleasant note. But how could the Curtis brothers expect anything else?

It was the day of their parents' funeral, you would think that in the very least, getting there would be easy, but it wasn't.

First off, Soda burnt breakfast. He hadn't cooked before, but figured it couldn't be that hard. Well, he was wrong. Smoke clouded the kitchen, at the ungodly early hour of seven. Darry, Soda, and Pony were anxious, and it seemed to be affecting everything they did.

Darry was taking too long to get their clothes ironed. It should've been done the night before, but Darry helped Soda clean his room instead. He never really ironed his own clothes; he'd always relied on his Mom. Sure he knew how to wash his own clothes, so did his brothers, his Mom claimed no son of hers would leave this home not knowing how to wash their own clothing. But, Darry admittedly, didn't pay much attention to the ironing portion of the lesson. He never dressed up, the only thing he ever needed to clean up for were dances, so he didn't pay much attention. It wasn't like him to ignore his Mom, but it was hard to concentrate on the proper way to iron clothes, knowing full well he had a big football game that night…

Darry sighed, he should've listened better. He already knew Soda had no clue, and Ponyboy was in the shower, so it looked like Darry was going to have to figure it out. It seemed every time he ironed one wrinkle out, he created another fold somewhere else. Darry contemplated making the iron hotter, but was afraid to burn the only nice clothes the three owned.

Pony was absolutely dreading the day. He'd been up half the night tossing and turning. His mind kept circling around the fact that his parents were too young to be dead. They shouldn't be dead. Pony's heart was heavy with grief and guilt, and he couldn't help but shed a few tears. At one point during the night, Pony realized he was basically wallowing in self-pity, which made him angry at himself. He dried his tears, and eventually found himself exhausted. The next thing he remembered was being shaken awake by his brothers.

Sleep deprivation was just going to top off the worst day ever for Ponyboy.

Darry knocked on the bathroom door, "I got your clothes, Pony. I hope they fit alright, it's been awhile since you've worn these." Pony yanked the door open, wearing nothing but a towel. Darry fought a grimace when he saw the multicolored bruises and scrapes adorning his brother's torso.

Pony flushed slightly when he realized Darry was looking at his injuries. He quickly grabbed the suit, closed the door muttering a thanks, and hoped Darry didn't notice his blush. Pony scowled, thinking how girly blushing was. Why'd he have to turn red so easily?

Pony was just entertaining himself with thoughts such as these to keep his mind from wondering to the reason why he had to dress up in the first place.

"Is the tie really necessary?" Pony yelled.

"Yes!" Darry's voice was muffled by the wooden door. "I'll tie it for you if you're having problems with it," Darry added.

Pony grimaced at his reflection in the full sized mirror that hung on the back of the door. Miraculously, the mirror had survived many years on the back of the door, despite the gang's roughness with it. Pony felt stupid. The pants and shirt fit fine. That part even looked decent, the shirt was a dark green, and the pants were solid black. The problem was the jacket. The sleeves were too short, just past the point where Pony felt he could pull it off. It looked…dumb and awkward. Pony scowled, "I look stupid in this! The jacket is too small."

Darry opened the door, not bothering to knock this time. He eyed Pony, and noticed that his brother was right when he said the jacket was small, but it wasn't that bad. Sure the sleeves were a little short, but Darry doubted he'd even notice if Pony didn't say something. In fact, Darry thought Pony cleaned up pretty well, it was a big difference from the sweats he'd been lying around in all week. "It don't look bad," Darry told him, "Now give me the tie."

Pony obeyed, rolling his eyes, "I don't see why I got to wear it…if I wear the tie, can I leave the jacket?" Pony eyed the gray tie, knowing it would be chocking him for the rest of the day just darkened his mood even further.

Darry shook his head, "You'll look better if you wear it."

"No I won't, I just told you I looked dumb, I don't like the damn jacket," Pony snapped.

His annoyance was matched by Darry's, "At least wear it there for a little bit, you can take it off after awhile."

Pony huffed, and was going to continue arguing, but didn't get the chance to, a loud crash interrupted him. He could hear Two-Bit snickering and Steve cursing. Darry left the bathroom quickly, yelling at everyone not ruin the house. Pony noted that they all had the decency to look sorry, and clean up the mess they created. Pony wasn't sure when everyone got over here; it must've been while he was showering. He was surprised they were up before eight. Even on school days, Pony knew Two-Bit didn't get up until eight, if not later. Dally never got up before ten.

Pony snorted mumbling, "Idiot," as Soda came bounding out of his bedroom, his hands both tangled up with his tie. Even though he was clearly on a mission to get his hands out of the tangled material, he managed to throw Pony a rather dirty look, before Darry came and rescued Soda's hands.

"You should've just let me tie it for you, look at this knot you made in it," Darry shook his head, agitatedly yanking the knot out of the tie, before throwing it around Soda's neck and securing it.

Soda immediately reached up to loosen it, but Darry caught his hand asking, "Can you breathe?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Then it's fine, leave it," Darry ordered.

Soda didn't like when Darry got like this. He didn't like Darry thinking he could boss him around. Soda wasn't that much younger, but sometimes Darry treated him like he was incapable of doing anything. If Darry was stressed, it seemed he was even shorter of patience than usual, and he became rather annoying in Soda's opinion. The whole morning had been filled with Darry's orders, Pony's attitude, and Soda trying to be a buffer between them. Soda hoped they got over it soon; today was going to be bad enough without them at each other's throats.

Soda sighed, he was already hungry again. After the fiasco this morning, they ended up just eating cereal, and it really wasn't enough for him. He started going through the fridge, finding a bunch of leftovers. If he had the time he could probably make something from them…spaghetti, cheese, and hamburger together? That sounded good to Sodapop; maybe he could add some sauces too. He could try to redeem himself after this morning. He glanced at the clock, they had to be at the funeral house at nine, and it was already after eight, there wasn't enough time to cook anything. Soda decided just to make some toast.

"You better be careful, Sodapop, if you get jelly and butter all over your clothes we're screwed," Darry warned him. Soda just nodded, he frowned down at his plate, he could eat toast without making a mess.

Yeah, the day was only going to get worse from here.

XXX

The caskets were a honey colored wood, with gold handles on the sides. Flower arrangements decorated the room, permeating it with their sweet scents.

The white barren walls were depressing, along with the beige color of the carpet. It was bland, cold, and seemed to reflect what Ponyboy was feeling at the moment pretty well. The only color besides the flowers came from four chairs that sat in the corners of the room. They were big enough to sit two people, and were covered in red velvet.

It was almost like Pony was in a trance as he walked in between his brothers to the caskets. The gang had purposely stayed behind signing their names into the little book (arguing over who deserved to be first) the funeral home provided for signatures. They were only signing it to give the Curtis' some privacy.

Pony didn't see a point in the book. Was it supposed to prove to them how great their parents were, by showing them how many signatures they got? Show them who deemed their parents worthy enough of their presence or something? It was stupid. Ponyboy knew his parents were loved, and that they were the best parents in the world, a stupid leather book with signatures wasn't necessary to tell him that. Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were good people, who worked hard, and enjoyed life – a stupid book with signatures didn't prove shit.

Pony was surprised to see his hand shake softly has he reached to stroke the satin like texture of his Mother's casket. It had already been nearly a week since they passed. Pony wanted his brothers to go away so he could talk to his parents privately. He quickly realized he was going to have to wait, because Darry and Soda weren't going anywhere. Soda was already crying. Darry had him safely tucked under his arm, and silently offered Soda a tissue box. Soda blew his nose loud enough to be deemed obnoxious, and kept the box in his grip, knowing he'd need the tissues.

Pony wished he could see them both one last time. But, he knew that whatever was left of his parents was nothing he wanted to see. He longed to see his mother's cherubic face smile as she reached for a kiss as she greeted dad when he arrived home. He wanted to hear his Dad laugh at something that only he and Soda seemed to think was funny.

Pony wasn't going to get that, so why did he torture himself with such thoughts?

"I'm a masochist," he murmured softly.

"Hmm?" Soda turned his attention from the flowers atop Mr. Curtis' casket to Ponyboy. Pony shook his head, turning to sit in one of the velvet chairs in the corner. Technically, he was supposed to sit in the front row of seats if he was going to sit at all.

Pony didn't understand the point in standing there thanking everyone as they apologized for their parents' passing. Why should they apologize? They weren't the ones who swerved and crashed into the car. They couldn't do anything about it. Pony didn't want to hear it.

He watched from afar as the rest of the gang came in. Johnny was the only one who stood there and looked like he may have actually said a prayer. Pony didn't expect the others too anyway.

XXX

Pony grimaced at the people who shook his hand. He barely listened, and let Darry do all the talking. Soda had to leave more than once, to gain some sort of control over himself. Pony hadn't been much better. It seemed, the two took turns, once Soda finished a mini breakdown; it was Pony's turn for the waterworks to start up.

Darry was dry eyed, but that didn't mean he was doing any better than his brothers. He kept it together for their sake, considering neither seemed to be able to keep from crying for more than half an hour, forty five minutes. Darry shook people hands, managed a small smile at the stories people had to tell, and thanked them for coming. Half of the people he didn't know. Some of them even claimed to be old friends who went to high school with his parents.

Darry had never heard of them before. He hadn't heard of them, and didn't want to hear their stories, but he knew he couldn't complain.

Darry leaned over and whispered into Soda's ear, "Can you go look for Pony, he hasn't been up here in awhile and I don't see him."

Soda nodded, and was slightly apprehensive to leave Darry on his own. Soda figured Pony was just taking a breather, maybe smoking a cigarette.

Soda looked around, and the moment he left, he knew someone was following him. That someone was Steve Randle. Soda grinned weakly at his best buddy. "Where you going?" Steve asked.

"Looking for Ponyboy, have you seen him?"

"Nah, he left awhile ago, I figure he's smoking. Johnny was gonna go with him, but said he didn't think the kid wanted any company or something."

Soda looked around, but didn't find his brother. A nagging feeling in his gut formed as he headed back towards the front of the room by Darry. He took his place and tried to put on his poker face, so people wouldn't know anything is wrong.

"We can't find him…I don't think he's here."

* * *

So, where's Pony? Finally, a cliffhanger! Please review.

* * *

I have an idea for another story, and I was hoping you could give me some feed back.

_Summary:_ Pony and Steve have two things in common: they're hate for one another, and Sodapop Curtis. Will they be able to band together and save Soda from himself? Or will Soda be left to his seemingly everlasting childhood that's got to break...it _is_ already showing cracks.

_Expert:_

_Somehow, Ponyboy always knew if you were even thinking about them. One time Soda asked him about it, he merely replied, "I see the hate or pity in people's eyes when they think about it, I know when they do," Pony shrugged stiffly, taking a puff from his cigarette._

_ Pony had changed after the incident. He'd grown up; Soda would even go as far to say that he got a new perspective on things. Soda wasn't so sure he liked it. He didn't want Pony to grow up too fast; he wanted him to stay a kid forever. Soda didn't want to grow up either. He'd seen what it did to people, take Darry for example. Growing up…not something Soda wanted to associate himself with._

_ Soda slide into the back, finally free from the sweaty smelling clash of people. Normally, Soda would get caught up in so much excitement, however he kept his focus. He knew this was not a place he wanted to be. It was dirty, and nothing good would come from hanging out here regularly. Most of the people in the bar were well into their twenties, nearing thirty, Soda didn't belong here._

_ Soda offered Samuel a grin, "Hey," he greeted, shaking Samuel's slightly damp hand, which had just let go of a cool bear._

_ Samuel wasn't one for pleasantries, "Got the money? All of it?"_

_ Soda nodded, "Wouldn't have came otherwise."_

So what do you think? And no, it is not drugs. ;)


	9. Cry

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

(Pony's POV)

* * *

I ran.

The wind dried my tears.

My sweat mingled with any tears that lingered, but not looking tuff was the least of my worries.

I didn't know what to do. I was making more problems for myself by running. First off, physically I wasn't supposed to run yet, I wasn't supposed to _overexert _myself. Secondly, well more like one and a half, it hurt really freaking bad to run. My ribs burned, and every bump and bruise pulsed, the amount of heat coming off me was probably indication of a fever. But, the pain distracted me. I'd rather take the physical pain over the emotional. Watching Soda cry, seeing Darry's perfectly blank face and staring at the caskets was unbearable.

I had to get out of there. Really, I had no choice but to leave, even though I would surely be in trouble for it later on.

Third, I didn't tell anyone I was leaving. If I had asked Two-Bit to drive me home he would've, hell even Steve and Dallas would've listened to me today.

If I had asked Johnny, he would have walked back home with me, eventually convince me to take the bus the rest of the way, and probably coaxed me into going to the burial in the afternoon.

I think that's why I didn't tell him. I know where I should be, but I just can't…

I've made it to the track circle at school. I rip off the offensive jacket, not caring if I tear it or not. I don't care if it's my only suit jacket, it don't fit and I'm really hot. Less vigorously, I yank the tie off, throwing both articles of clothing on the bench haphazardly. Next I lose the button up shirt, leaving me in nice slacks, and a white t-shirt that's turned gray with use. The t-shirt and pants look strange together, but I don't care. It looks strange that I'm running in shiny dress shoes too.

I don't care though.

I run again.

I concentrate on my feet hitting the pavement, the way the vibrations run through my body, the points where the pain is the worst and how it seems to resonate through my entire body. I focus on evening my breathing out; it's too erratic, not at all like Couch has told us to breath.

It takes a few minutes but I get it to even out, in through my nose, out through my mouth.

_In. Out. In. Out. _

I'm about to hit a mile, but I don't slow any, even though everything hurts. I'm vaguely surprised at how much of a difference there is running in these shoes versus my track shoes. My calves already hurt, and it usually takes a few miles before that happens with my track shoes. Either it's the shoes, or I've gotten out of shape already.

My brothers must have realized now that I'm gone. I'm sure I've disappointed them. I'm sure I've worried them.

I'm a bad son and brother.

But, I really couldn't be there.

I find myself slowing, I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. I bend at my waist and brace myself against my knees.

_..._

"Are you finished yet?" The voice startles me. I jump and turn. Johnny is sitting next to my discarded clothing that is now folded into a neat and orderly pile. I swallow hard, pause, and then shake my head no. I'd have to run a long time to get the thoughts I have in my head to go away. A real long time, time I don't have because it's not my own, time that has to be spent with my brothers before I'm taken away by the State. Also, because I am not physically capable of running as much as I need to, though passing out right now sounds pretty good, it's not going to help anything.

Johnny just raised an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. He knows I'm finished, even if I don't want to be.

After the State takes me away, I'll be able to run all I want, all I need.

Johnny pats the bench next to him. I sit there and fight back tears. I didn't even know I could cry this much. Despite how sweaty I am, Johnny throws his arm around my arm, trying to comfort me. The gesture makes me want to cry more.

"I couldn't be there no more."

"I know."

"I couldn't watch Soda, Darry, all them people and see their grief."

"I know."

We fall into silence again. Eventually, I glance at Johnny's face and I can tell he wants to say something, but isn't sure how to phrase it. I decide to wait, when he is ready, he'll say it. Johnny has a lot to say, he just has a way of saying it in only a few words. If you're patient and really listen to him, then you'll realize he's real smart. He's perceptive, especially when it comes to people. He gets things; just those things ain't books so people assume he's dumb. Johnny's far from stupid.

"I get why you had to get out of there I really do, Pony. It's hard for all of us to sit there. But, you running off don't make you weak or nothing, 'cuz you're dealing with a lot more than all of us, your brothers included. You feel guilty. I can't say I get why, we all know you couldn't have done anything different, but that don't mean nothing 'cuz you still feel it," Johnny glances at me with big black eyes, that seem to see right through me.

I nod. "Can't help it."

"Either we can go to your place, or we can head to the cemetery. The burial should be real soon. What do you want to do?"

"I know where I should be-"

Johnny cuts me off saying, "Where you should be, is where you'll be ok. You don't have to go to the cemetery if you aren't ready to deal with that yet. Do you have to face it sometime? Yeah, but it can be on your own time, not just because today is the official burial and all that junk."

I consider this, before continuing what I was going to say before. "I should be with my brothers, but I'm more of a hindrance than help to them," I glance back to him. "I don't want to regret not going, I don't want my brothers to me mad at me if I don't go, but I really don't want to go. What should I do?"

Johnny's quiet and gives me a sad smile. "You know I can't make that decision for you."

XXX

I don't go near my brothers, I stay in the back. In fact, I'm far enough back that I can barely see. I didn't bother putting my shirt or jacket back on. I stand, unseen, behind the people who were closest to my parents and watch in stony silence. I keep the tears at bay, and eye the gang and my brothers. Johnny listens to the priest, as I continue the mini war I've been having with myself since I decided to come to the cemetery.

Should I stay back or go by my brothers. I don't feel like answering questions, or looking at the faces of the adults who are surely wondering where I disappeared to, but are too polite to say anything.

Darry isn't crying and he doesn't look like he's shed a tear at all. Soda on the other hand is a bawling mess, and leans heavily into Darry's arms. Steve stands behind him, a hand on his shoulder. Two-Bit is beside Darry looking just as stoic. Dallas doesn't look bothered by any of it.

Mrs. Matthews is close by too, sniffling into a handkerchief.

"If you want to go up there go ahead," I whisper to Johnny. I know he is grieving just as much as me and my brothers. My parents might have well as been Johnny's too. They treated him like another son, and I know they loved him and Johnny loved them back. His parents didn't do anything for him, and mine were always trying to make up for that.

I could tell by the look in his eyes that this was hurting him real bad.

He gives me a half smile and shakes his head no.

They lower the caskets into the ground and throw white flowers in after them. It's surreal.

I look at my brothers again. Soda's trying hard to get hold of himself.

Darry catches my eye though. They silently ask me if I'm okay and where the hell have I been.

I turn and start to make my way out of the cemetery, doing my damn hardest not to look back.

* * *

Aw, poor Ponyboy. I'm sorry about the delay in updating, I was on vacation.

Thanks to those who reviewed.

Reviews are very much appreciated.


	10. Chocolate Cake

*I don't own _The Outsiders_.

(Third Person POV)

* * *

"AHHHH!"

Soda woke with a start, and without another thought flung himself out of bed and down the hall where he heard the screaming coming from. Darry was only a few paces behind him, looking panicked and bewildered, a baseball bat in hand.

Pony was thrashing violently in his bed. His brothers could see the sweat on his face glistening in the moonlight that shined through the cracks in the blinds where they had somehow been broken when one of them had been carelessly rough with it.

Soda had to practically pin his brother down in order to try to get him to wake up. "Shh, come on, Pony, it's alright, just a nightmare," he cooed, his voice soft. Soda was scared. Ponyboy had been subjected to nightmares many times before, but never one like this. He'd never seen his brother thump around, tangled in his sheets, as if he was really wrestling whatever demons plagued his mind. Darry had never seen anybody had a nightmare so horrid, that it caused them to sweat as if they'd just played a football game all the way through with no breaks.

Soda changed his grip, snaking his arms around Ponyboy's thin frame. Darry sat next to the two, the baseball bat hanging uselessly in his grip, forgotten. This wasn't really something Darry could beat away with a bat.

Pony sobbed into Soda's chest, clinging to his older brother, not really caring how gross he was. He coughed hard and drew in a deep breath. "What happened?" Darry's voice was soft, not wanting to startle Pony, but he still flinched.

"I don't remember."

Soda blinked, wondering if his brother was lying. He pulled away slightly to look at Pony's face. Their baby brother was a damn good liar, maybe it came from reading all those books, or watching all those actors in the movies, Soda wasn't really sure. The look on his kid brother's face convinced Soda that Pony wasn't lying; Pony looked too shaken and vulnerable to be lying.

"You sure?" Darry asked dubiously. How could you forget something that was horrible enough to make you wake up like this? Darry didn't understand how his brother could forget something, even if it was a dream-no nightmare-that caused such a reaction.

Pony nodded. "I don't remember," he repeated, his nose scrunching up in thought. He tried to clear his throat, but his voice still came out rough and raw. "I think it was about Mom and Dad."

Soda stroked Pony's hair. "They're alright now, Pone."

None of them said anything. There wasn't really anything to say.

XXX

"Were they mad?"

Pony shook his head. "Not really, they got why I needed to leave, they just didn't like how I did it. Darry was kind of mad, but Soda just told me I should've told someone. Darry said I shouldn't have gone somewhere by myself when I was upset, I could've done something stupid or something like that," Pony paused. "I didn't really listen to what he said that much after he said he wasn't mad," he admitted.

Johnny grinned, a snicker sliding between his lips. "Don't get in a habit of that, Darry won't like it."

Pony rolled his eyes. Darry was going crazy. Tomorrow the State was supposed to come, and everything had to be perfect. It already was, all Darry seemed to do was clean and then go back and re-clean the samething. Heck, even Ponyboy was helping out and he couldn't even bend over without pain.

He was resigned. At this point, whatever was going to happen was going to happen. They'd done everything they possibly could, especially Darry. Darry had a steady job before Pony was even out of the hospital. The yard looked better than ever, even the windows had been cleaned.

The social worker was supposed to come and make sure the place was suitable for Ponyboy and Sodapop to live in. Pony didn't really see the point. They'd live there all their lives, and no social worker ever said anything before. They didn't have a social worker checking on them then. How come they need one now?

Sure, Darry is young, but he's smart. He's practical, he knows he needs to work, live on a budget, get a schedule going. Neither Soda, Pony, nor anyone in the gang doubted Darry's abilities to keep the house going. If anyone could do it, Superman could.

"Want some breakfast?" Pony asked.

Johnny shook his head no. Darry was still sorting things out; he didn't need the added burden of feeding Johnny. Plus, he'd eaten plenty when he went over to the Two-Bit's place last night, where Mrs. Matthews held a small get together after the funeral. Johnny was good until later on, when he could use his last couple dollars for a burger and shake at the Dingo.

Pony rolled his eyes, ignoring his best buddy's denial of being hungry. He got up without a word, knowing Johnny would follow.

"Why are you two up to already?" Darry was still in a pair of pajama pants he'd worn to bed and a thin t-shirt, drinking his black coffee. Pony had no idea of his brother could stand the stuff, it was so bitter, especially without milk and sugar.

"I didn't really fall back asleep," Ponyboy admitted. He'd told Johnny how he had woken up in a panic, yelling loud enough for his brothers to come rushing to his rescue. Johnny had been disturbed by the image of Pony being that upset, he didn't like when his friends were hurting. Johnny had seen enough hurt already; he wanted his buddies to be happy, even though things were real rough for them right now.

Pony's statement caught Darry's attention quick. Concern washed through Darry's face. "Maybe you should try to rest some today, you already look tired." Darry hoped lack of sleep wouldn't add to the time it would take for Ponyboy's injuries to heal. Pony merely shrugged in response, he didn't want to go back to sleep, he didn't want to risk having that nightmare again, even though he didn't remember it. Was it a good or bad thing that he didn't remember? Blessing or curse? Pony was pretty certain it was about his parents though, probably about them dying. It had to be gruesome to make him feel the way he did when he woke up.

"Is Soda still asleep," Pony asked, changing the subject quickly.

Darry allowed the subject change, and nodded his head. "Surprisingly, I think the last few days have taken their toll on him, I suppose I'll let him sleep in today." Pony couldn't help but note bitterly in his head that it was probably the fact that he'd woken Soda in the middle of the night, and then made him sleep in his little twin bed with him that caused Soda to sleep in. Now that he thought about it, it probably would've made more sense to go into Soda's room where he had a full bed.

If Pony was being honest with himself, he hadn't thought about Soda's comfort at all. He'd been scared, and only knew that Soda's presence had made him feel better, not so alone. He supposed he was being rather selfish, and he felt bad that he hadn't realized it or even thought about it when he asked Soda to stay with him last night.

A crash sounded from Pony's room, alerting them all that Soda had woken. Soda grinned has he stumbled into the living room, shaking a bit with suppressed laughter. Pony's eyes narrowed, "What did you break?"

"I didn't! I tripped on your dress shoes that you left lying in the middle of the floor!" Soda laughed. "What's for breakfast, I'm starving, are you guys hungry?"

Darry would never understand how Soda could wake up and just go. His brother was already speaking a mile per minute. It was way too early for that kind of energy, at least in Darry's opinion.

"Can I eat this?" Soda asked.

Darry glanced over his shoulder. "Chocolate cake? For breakfast? I don't think-"

"Aw, come on, Dar, why not?" Soda whined, going as far as sniffing the chocolate cake and giving Darry a pleading expression.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea," Pony snickered. "Cake and eggs for breakfast."

"You don't eat cake for breakfast," Darry rolled his eyes at his brothers. Johnny sat on the couch and watched the whole thing with amusement.

"Why not?" Pony asked. "People eat muffins and doughnuts for breakfast and they're no better for you than cake."

"He has a point, Dar," Soda said, swiping a finger through the icing and groaning at the creamy deliciousness that was the chocolate icing.

The two younger Curtis brothers could tell they were wearing down Darry's resolve. "And you love cake, Darry, don't you want some?" Pony added, smirking.

Darry huffed, "Fine, but give me a big piece."

Soda and Ponyboy whooped in victory, before grabbing plates.

"Want some, Johnnycakes?" Pony asked, while shoving a large bite into his mouth, gazing at his buddy, trying not to laugh.

Johnny rolled his eyes; his nickname was not tuff in the least.

* * *

So, what do you guys think? Thanks so much for all the reviews I got last chapter, please keep it up!


	11. Challenges

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

(Third Person POV)

* * *

Steve glanced at Soda uncertainly, "You wanna drop out?"

Soda nodded, tipping his chair behind the counter at the DX. He only worked here part time, a few hours after school, and on every other Saturday, it wasn't a lot of money, but it gave him enough to have fun. Between him and Steve, they could afford to bring their girls out, and that was really all they were concerned about, that and gas for the truck. They couldn't go no where without wheels.

"I ain't doing nothing there, shoot, you know that, Stevie. The end of the year is coming up, I'll stick it out, but I don't think I'm gonna go back next year," Soda glanced at his best buddy, unconsciously looking for his buddy's approval.

Steve thought about it, knowing Soda wanted his real opinion on the matter. Soda wasn't saying this to look tuff or anything like that, so Steve weighed the options carefully. "Well, I know you don't like it there, but what are you going to do if you ain't in school?"

"I was thinking I'd just work full time here," Soda nodded his head towards the office in the back, "Robinson likes me enough, I'm sure he'd take me on full time, I ain't never done anything too bad around here."

"Think you'd like it better here than at school?"

Soda looked at his friend like he grew a third eye, "No shit I'd like it better here. I hate it at school. The only reason Darry didn't make me and Pone go today was because that social worker," Soda sighed. "I'm dumb, Stevie, and don't go arguing about it. If I'm so damn smart, then I wouldn't be failing everything but gym and mechanics."

"Everything?" Steve's eyes narrowed, sure Soda didn't do the _best, _but he never remembered Soda failing a class, passing with D's, yeah, but not failing.

Soda glanced at his feet, "I guess I had the idea in my head all quarter. I just don't get books and I hate writing," he shook his head, becoming more convinced that quitting school for good was the right thing to do. "And I'm all but sick of the way them teachers stare at me like I'm the dumbest hood they ever seen, " Soda huffed.

Steve was silent; he hadn't realized how tough school was for Soda. He still felt that he'd do better in school if he tried a little harder, but Steve wasn't about to say that now. It seemed too late anyway, Soda looked like he was already set on dropping out.

"Well then, good luck explaining that one to Superman," Steve said drily. "Warn me when you're going to be telling him, I'll avoid your place for a couple days."

Soda groaned, dropping his head to the counter. Darry would not be happy. He'd been all set for college, and just gave it up. School would be a touchy subject for awhile. Soda knew that Darry didn't regret that he wasn't going to college because it meant keeping him and Ponyboy out of the system, but if Darry had been able to take care of them and go to college; well you better believe he would be going to school. Darry thought education was important…Pony did too. Sodapop hoped his baby brother wouldn't be too disappointed in him.

Even though his brothers wouldn't agree with him, Soda knew the two just wanted him to be happy. Soda hoped he wouldn't have to pull that card out to get Darry to agree to letting Soda drop out…Soda wondered if his parents would be disappointed in him.

XXX

Ponyboy was trying to squash down his annoyance. He just wanted to watch the movie, but he couldn't, not with Two-Bit talking, Dally _snoring_, and Johnny's freaking breathing in his ear. This was why Pony preferred to go to the movies alone.

He wanted to go to the movies to escape. The social worker from the state had just come and gone today, barely commenting on anything, and her visit had everyone all anxious and worked up, especially Ponyboy. They'd have to go to court in a couple days to finish sorting out all the custody stuff, and hopefully it would be Darry signing the custody papers.

_Darry_….Pony nearly groaned at the thought of his older brother, Pony would've gone to the six thirty showing by himself, but Darry got all weird.

"_No, you ain't going alone."_

"_But, Dar, I been to this showing by myself before," Pony eyed his brother incredulously. _

"_I shouldn't even be letting you out yet, you're still healing," Pony realized he was unconsciously holding his side and dropped his hand. "So either go with the guys, or don't go at all, I'm fine with either," Darry responded. Damn, he couldn't believe he was already standing up against his brother about something. He knew he'd have to be a parent, even argue with his brothers, but he didn't expect it so soon._

_Pony wanted to say that Mom and Dad always let him go to the movie house to see the six thirty show. He'd been allowed to ever since he turned thirteen months ago, but Darry's look just said 'don't argue with me.' And, on top of that, nobody mentioned the Curtis' parents, not even the three brothers themselves. The only exception had been when Pony had his nightmare, but he barely realized what he was saying at the time._

"_So you going or not?" Dally broke Pony from his thoughts._

God, Pony wished he stayed home. Even though he was sick of his house, it'd be better than having everyone around him, being all obnoxious.

Pony glared at Dallas' form as another snore escaped him. He'd never glare at the greaser if he was awake, but that wasn't the case at this moment. "You got to be freaking kidding me," Pony nearly growled.

Johnny shot him a half smile.

_He finds it funny, _Pony thought in exasperation. Pony hoped Darry didn't start to make this a common occurrence-that he had to be with someone from the gang whenever he went somewhere. Pony was used to not having too many rules; in fact, his parents were pretty lenient with him. He was the baby of the family, and his parents had already raised two boys before him, so they never were overly worried about Ponyboy. So, he definitely wasn't used to having to go to the movies with people.

Oh, he hated going to the movies with other people, even if they were his family. Yeah they are his family even though they didn't share blood, but doesn't everyone at some point wonder what the hell they are doing in this family? Pony was having one of those moments.

Pony watched as Two-Bit flipped some girl's skirt up, revealing her underwear, and earning himself a slap.

Pony shoved the popcorn to Johnny, and left, not caring that Darry told him to stick by the gang.

XXX

Darry looked over the acceptance letter in his hand.

_Congratulations, you've been accepted to the University of Tulsa…_

He'd been so happy, his parents so proud…now it was like a figment of his imagination. He'd been so close, he was so close, but now he was calling to pull himself off the list for a dorm room, out of the classes he'd signed up for, giving up his place on the football team.

He couldn't believe how much it hurt. He was watching himself undo his future. Everything he had worked for didn't mean anything now. Sure he had a piece of paper saying he graduated high school, but that wasn't going to get Darry where he wanted to go.

Darry hung up the phone. He glanced around the empty living room, he really was alone.

With the letter in hand, he hung his head and cried.

* * *

Aw, I just want to give Darry a hug! Thanks for the reviews, please keep it up!

So, I got a **new story **called "Welcome to Tulsa." It has to do with 'Nam, but it is not your regular depressive war fic, I promise. And, I need all of your advise on whether or not I should keep it as a one-shot or make it into a multi-chapter ficlet. Please go check it out!

I did do my research, the University of Tulsa was built in 1925, and I'm assuming it was up and running during the sixties, just like it is today.


	12. Changes

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

Warning: Cursing.

(Ponyboy's POV)

* * *

The stares were driving me crazy!

Darry had been awful mad at me when I came home from the movies without the gang. It took him a couple hours to cool off, then he told me I couldn't do that sort of stuff. Honestly, I only half listened. I really did try to pay attention, but Jesus, Dar just kept going.

I think the stress has been getting to him. Maybe that's why he's been acting all weird.

I kept my head down, avoiding people's curious gazes. I didn't want to see the pity in some of those kids' eyes. Though, I won't admit it to the gang, it hurt when I heard some Soc whispering that I deserved it because I was a no good grease. Other people didn't glance my way at all, they didn't give a shit, and that was fine with me.

I couldn't wait to go home. I couldn't wait for this crap storm to pass.

Do these kids think I'm deaf or stupid? Like I don't notice when they whisper in groups and stare at me, or the people who are right behind me and don't even bother to lower their voices as they talk about my parents.

I wanted to turn around and tell them to mind their own damn business, but I didn't want to get in trouble. I can't _afford_ to get in any kind of trouble; neither can Soda for that matter. If we draw any kind of negative attention to ourselves, we'll be in some boy's home by night fall.

I sighed, shoving the thought out of my head with great difficulty. I'd have to miss school on Friday to go to court. _That will be fun._

Yeah I was looking forward to sitting in some stuffy court house, chewing my nails until they bled. I hated that these people had this power over me. Who the hell were they to make these decisions about my life? If I want to live with my brothers, then I should get to live with my brothers, but that ain't how it works, as Darry keeps on telling me.

Well fuck them; I ain't going nowhere, especially to some stupid boy's home.

"Did you hear? His parents were killed, I hear he was with them too," some girl in yellow whispered.

"Oh my Gosh! He like saw them murdered?" A brunette responded louder than the first girl.

"Shhh, yeah I think, at least that's what Carol told me."

"Wow, I guess that's what you get from living on the East side."

I took a deep breath, wondering when the hell these people who surrounded me would grow up. Is gossiping about someone's dead parents all they got to entertain themselves with?

"Curtis' parents died…"

_Yeah, thanks, just keep shoving that fact in my face, like when I wake up in the morning and don't see my Ma in the kitchen or my Dad leaving for work isn't enough._

I couldn't wait for this year to end. At least next year I get to go to the high school, then I'd be with Soda and the rest of the gang.

XXX

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis, what in God's name were you thinking?" Darry yelled, I winced.

Soda looked upset, I could tell he'd been crying, and I began to wonder how long he'd been sitting there, waiting for Darry to begin.

Soda didn't dare open his mouth, knowing Darry didn't want him to answer. It had been a long time since we'd seen Darry this angry, and that had been when some group of Socs jumped Two-Bit and messed him up pretty good.

As much as the guys like to brag that they're unbeatable, we all know that's hardly the truth.

"This ain't just about you, Sodapop," Darry growled, pacing back in forth, his face making me think of a grizzly that wanted to attack. "Your little stunt today affects him too!" Darry jabbed a finger in my direction. "Now explain."

Soda swallowed, "People kept talking about Ma and Dad, and I don't know. I know you told us to expect it, and I did, and I was fine. I answered some peoples' questions, and tried to ignore the stares, and it was alright until them damn, good for nothing-"

"Sodapop," Darry warned.

"Socs started saying crap about Mom and Dad. They were saying how they deserved it, and laughing about how we may not to get to stay together. They said it'd be good if me and Pony left, two less Greasers breathing their air, and…and I just snapped I guess. I swear, Dar, I was seeing red," Soda pleaded, not wanting our brother to be mad at him.

I was a little angry at Sodapop too. He got into a fight at school and if this gets back to the state, we may both be packing our bags on Friday. If we were lucky, they had already checked our school records, and wouldn't see that Soda got sent home early today for fighting. And, if they did see it, maybe they'd chalk it up to emotional distress over the situation or something.

"What happened to the stay low thing this morning?" I mumbled bitterly.

Soda shot me an apologetic, guilty look. I sighed, "I ain't mad, just worried, I get it. Same thing was going on at my school, and they got some wild rumors too," I shook my head, disgusted.

"Like what?" Darry asked, despite his anger, he was still concerned. "You two shouldn't listen to them, let them have their rumors, it'll pass once they find out someone is knocked up, or lost the last drag race."

"It ain't that easy," Soda moaned.

"Well, obviously it isn't impossible, Ponyboy seemed to make it through the day just fine," Darry snapped. "God, now I lost half a day's pay too."

"Darry," I mumbled, looking at Soda's devastated face, I could tell he was about to cry again.

He groaned, "Aw, Pepsi, I didn't mean to," Darry paused, "Look, it'll fine alright."

Soda's lip trembled slightly, "I don't want to go to no boy's home though! And now it might be all my fault if we get sent into one!" He cried. I quickly threw my arm across his shoulders, allowing him to use my shoulder to wipe his face on.

Darry knelt down in front of us, "Both of y'all listen up, alright? We don't know what they're going to decide, but I promise the two of you, either way I'll find a way to get you back, or in the very least visit ya okay?"

I was about to agree, but Sodapop had other ideas. "Hell NO! This is my goddamn house and I don't get how they can just take me away from it. They never gave a shit before."

"Yeah, so why they bothering?" I added.

"Because I'm barely twenty and I ain't Mom and Dad, that's why," Darry sighed.

"Yeah but if Mom and Dad hadn't been able to afford our house or food for whatever reason, the State wouldn't have done _shit_ unless they were called in by someone. And around here who would call the State? Nobody wants them poking around in these parts, and if they did Johnny would've been in a home years ago!" I could feel tears coming into my eyes now as my temper flared, it just ain't fair. "And what do they care if you're young, your legal age, if you got some girl pregnant and were raising that baby on your own, they wouldn't bother you. Me and Soda are a lot easier to take care of than a baby, so what do they care!"

I could tell Darry wasn't sure about what to say. It wasn't often that I said much against something or someone, and it was even rarer that I raised my voiced in a non-joking way. "Ponyboy, I understand why your upset, I don't like it either, this goes for you too, Sodapop. But, the fact is there ain't anything we can do about it, so you're going to have to accept it. No matter how much you argue, yell, or cry, the State ain't going to change their rules."

I scowled, "I got a good point, if you can legally raise a baby if you had one, you should be able to keep me and Soda without all this crap," I waved my hands haphazardly for emphasis.

Darry smiled a little, "You do have a good point, kiddo," he patted my knee, "but that don't change anything." He ruffled Soda's blonde hair.

I sniffled a little, trying to swallow the lump in my throat, Soda rubbed my arm.

Guess there isn't much we can do about any of it, not the State, not any of the dumb kids at school…damn, for the first time in my life; I could honestly say I felt helpless.

* * *

Sorry, I was a bit late on this update. *glances sheepishly*

So, more from Pony's point of view, what do you think? Please show me that you're still out there and review!


	13. Calenture

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

Beware of the changing POV's!

(Darry's POV)

* * *

The words _custody granted_ rang through the room and reverberated through my ear drums like angels' singing—the angels being my parents, looking out for their sons. A sigh of relief left me, and I smiled down at my little brothers.

I shook my head, slightly amused as I watched Soda try to hold on to his composure. He'd felt so guilty after getting into trouble at school, jeopardizing not only his chance at staying with me, but Ponyboy's too. I'm sure my reaction hadn't helped that any, but I couldn't help it. I was afraid and I reacted by yelling at the kid.

I would have to work on my reactions. Yelling isn't going to help anything, and I surely can't do it every time we have a misunderstanding. I mussed Pony's hair as he wrapped his arms around my waist, hiding his face in my shoulder so no one would see tears that I knew were there, even if I hadn't seen them. Soda joined us, and I rubbed their shoulders reassuringly.

"Let's get out of here, hmm?" I murmured.

Dear God in Heaven, I'm a parent for two teenaged Greasers!

XXX

I rubbed my face, blinking my eyes as I tried to focus on the paper before me. Another bill, I had half a mind not to bother reading it over, just pay it and send it off.

Summer was brutal. It was unbearably hot this year. Well, maybe it was like this every year and I just never noticed. I'd only worked part time, in the morning for the construction company, but now I was working all day, six days a week (weather permitting). I was tanner than ever and seemed to finally gotten enough sun that I didn't get a burn every time the sun blazed overhead.

I thought this job was monotonous _before_ I took it on full time, it's practically unbearable now. Well tough shit I suppose, I still got to go. I also had to get a second job. I worked in a factory lifting boxes. At least all those weights I lifted paid off now.

I needed to stop trying to make sense of the papers in front of me and relax already. I was sore, hot, and tired, making me irritable.

I wasn't the nicest person to live with. It was hard getting used to having to do so much. I never really thought about how hard it was to keep a house clean, pay bills, groceries, work, keep gas in the tank, the list just keeps going.

I wasn't prepared.

I also didn't realize how fast money just seemed to disappear. I remember asking my Dad for a five here or a ten there, and I used to get annoyed when he'd tell me no. I get why he said no now. I had both Pony and Soda come to me to borrow money, money I did not have, and could not spare.

The three of us already were having difficulties getting ourselves situated. Figuring out a new schedule was a flat out bitch—I wake up a five o'clock in the morning…I never used to get up before six thirty, but between catching up on chores, and trying to drag Pony out of bed, I had to get up early. It was the only time I seemed to find ten minutes to myself too.

Sometimes I find myself wondering why it's so hard. In retrospect, it doesn't sound that difficult. Pony and Soda are old enough to take care of themselves; I think I expected them to do more than they do. Now I'm the bad guy, forcing chores on them and not giving them money or letting they stay out late.

It was weird for them to see me in a position of authority, for my word to be law, and it was taking the three of us some time to get used to it.

I swear to God, I sounded just like my Dad the other day, and I don't mean the silly loving side my Father possessed, the listen-to-me-now-or-else-voice that scared me and my brothers shitless whenever he used it. It freaked me out a little bit when I realized I had to use that voice with Sodapop.

Soda….Jesus, I don't know what's going on in that kid's head! He must've shut his brain off, only using his head to grow hair. He wants to drop out for good next year. He doesn't want to go back. When he told me, I think I just stared at him, I didn't even know what the hell to say.

No school? No high school diploma? What the fuck does he think he's going to do with his life then?

Knowing Sodapop, he doesn't have a plan; he's just doing what he wants when he wants to. He won't realize the consequences until he's older, and until then I won't be able to convince him this is a mistake. He's so damn stubborn. I know it's a lost cause to try to convince Soda otherwise.

I sigh, sprawling across the couch, wondering how Steve can sleep here with the spring that digs into your backbone.

Pony took Soda's news worse than I did. The kid was surprisingly unsupportive. Usually, Ponyboy goes with whatever someone decides, supports them, and tries to help where he can. Well he was about to rip Soda a new one. He told Soda flat out that he thought dropping out was a bad idea. He even started drilling Sodapop about what he was going to do with his free time and everything. I didn't even have to yell at Soda, I could've let Pony keep going, but I sent him to his room.

This wasn't Ponyboy's business; it was between Soda and his guardian, meaning me. Technically, it doesn't matter what I say, even though I have legal custody over Sodapop. He's sixteen, and I can't tell him not to drop out of school, by law he can make that decision, but I made sure to tell him I didn't agree with it, I tried to convince him otherwise, and I'm pretty damn sure Ponyboy did more than once.

So far, he's sticking to his decision.

I can't help but wonder why Pony was so upset though. What does he care if Soda ain't in school?

I rubbed a palm to my forehead; I'll never understand that kid.

XXX

"Dinner!" I yelled. I wiped my hands on a thread bare hand towel that had various stains on it that never came out, Mom always made do with what she had. A lesson she'd taught us that I was quickly finding to be very valuable after nearly spending all my money from this week's paycheck on food.

Soda eagerly sat, letting his eyes wonder over the food as if he hadn't seen any in a fortnight. "Looks good," he grinned up at me.

The only response I had was, "You still got grease on your face, didn't I tell you to wash up before dinner?" The question was rhetorical; I know I told him to clean up. Was it this hard for Mom and Dad to get us to listen?

"Ponyboy!" I knew he heard me, he was standing in front of the television like he had been for the past fifteen minutes, if Soda heard me in his room, I know Pony could hear me just fine.

He shook his head, as if shaking off a daze and shut off the television.

"Watching something good?" Soda asked his mouth half full—I didn't bother to correct his manners, I don't think anyone will ever be able to correct his piggish ways.

"No," Pony responded, short and to the point. "Just stupid propaganda that they keep squawking about the war. It's stupid, like Bert the Turtle stupid," Pony mumbled.

"Bert the Turtle?" Soda looked confused. "Is that some new cartoon?"

Pony rolled his eyes, "Nah, that mini movie they showed kids, you know, duck and cover if we ever get nuked," Pony snorted softly. "Like ducking under a desk would save you from a nuclear bomb, it's more like duck and kiss your ass-"

"Hey," I pointed my fork at him, "language, Pon."

"Sorry."

Soda acted as if I never said anything, "Dad told me about it once, I forgot about it."

"I don't know why you bother watching that garbage," I cut in. All the war did was kill kids; I already knew a handful of guys who had headed over there after graduation. I'm nineteen and been to two funerals for a couple buddies I knew who died over there. I don't really know much about it, I'd rather act like it wasn't happening, it scared me to think about it. I was already old enough to get drafted; Soda is just a couple years shy…hopefully it ends before that though.

Pony shrugged at me, as if reading my mind, "There ain't no point ignoring it like it ain't happening. I just happen to flip it on."

XXX (PPOV)

The heat was suffocating. I didn't like the way it licked my skin, or how it seemed to intensify in a matter of moments.

The fire never came any closer; it never got close enough to hurt _me_.

What it did do was much worse.

It crept, slowly towards my unsuspecting parents. They smiled and waved at me, looking like their biggest worry was what we would be having for dinner later that evening. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I could only watch.

They never saw it coming. The flames were alive, a face I'd never seen before was within the flames, smirking at me—the sadistic bastard liked this slow torture, fed off the horror and fear that was clearly demonstrated in my body language.

It didn't encompass them or swallow them up, they didn't disappear. The fire held them in place, and slowly worked its way up my parents' bodies, their faces contorted in pain.

I felt sick.

It wasn't until it was too late that I could actually do something, and even then it wasn't much—I screamed.

XXX (Third Person POV)

Ponyboy leaned tiredly against the counter at the DX. Times like these made him feel like nothing had changed. The gang, excluding Darry and Dallas, were all hanging in the shade, shielded from the sun's blazing rays.

Pony squinted at the drop of water—condensation as his science teachers had always called it—traveling down the side of his half empty Pepsi bottle that he'd just bought. As he took a swig, he could feel the coolness spread through his chest, just to be replaced by warmer air again as he alternated the drink for a puff of his smoke.

Steve and Soda were talking about their double date from the weekend, Two-Bit listening eagerly, hoping for some good gossip, even though he wouldn't spread it around. Two-Bit had a thing for gossip, reminding Pony of the girls that would hurl themselves into the corners between classes, pointing and whispering amongst themselves.

Two-Bit's love for gossip is probably why he even went steady with his girl Cathy—if you needed information about someone or some event, you could go to Cathy and probably find out every version of the event, no matter how miniscule the detail. Pony didn't see the point, but he supposes it did provide a bit of entertainment and amusement, even if they stories were horribly exaggerated and sometimes completely false.

Pony listened in amusement has Sodapop purposely embarrassed Steve, telling them how he had accidently spilt a Coke across the table. Soda was the only one who would ever get away with that, anyone else would never bring that incident up again, especially in Steve's presence, but they were best buddies and Steve just threw a half-hearted punch at Soda's arm while Soda continued to laugh with honest glee.

It was nice to hear Sodapop laugh; Pony hadn't heard much of it recently. He guessed, that's why Steve didn't tackle Soda right there, it's not like he cared much that their boss was in the back room.

Curly Shepard stepped up to the counter next to Pony, "Curtis, how ya doin'?" He drawls heavily.

Pony shrugs, "Fine, what've you been up to, Shepard?"

Curly's grin says he's been up to no good, "Nothing, there's a party tonight at Paul's place; you know for that small kid he hangs with, it's his birthday or something."

"Kevin," Pony supplies the name. "Paul wants me to go, asked me before school ended." Pony wasn't sure why Paul bothered, he knew Pony wasn't a fan of parties, he usually ended up on the sidelines, watching everyone, he'd rather go see a movie.

"Then you should come," Curly smiles, showing a chipped tooth, one that had been fine just a couple weeks prior.

Pony starts to tell him no, but stops himself, "Maybe I will," he takes another swing of his nearly empty Pepsi bottle as Curly nods and leaves, making the annoying little bell above the DX's door jingle. Pony would never understand how Soda could bear the stupid bell sounding all day long. He already knew Steve had difficulties with the bell, the first week he worked at the DX he'd pulled it right off the door. Their boss made him reattach it though, now Steve spends most of his time in the garage away from customers and the ringing bell.

Two-Bit cocks an eyebrow in Pony's direction, "Party at Paul's, my, my, little baby Curtis is growing up, he didn't even whine about not wanting to go," Two-Bit made a move to pinch his cheeks, but Pony was quicker and swatted at him, dodging out of the way.

Pony rolled his eyes in annoyance. It may be a good thing to get out of the house. Despite the news of him and Soda being able to stay with Darry, the house had been lined with tension. Soda, Darry, and Pony had all been bickering about trivial things like laundry, to larger things like Soda quitting school.

Pony decided he could use a break: he was going to that party.

* * *

Hello, everyone!

I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, sorry about the delay

**Please review!**


	14. Concord

*I don't own _The Outsiders. _I also do not own _Beowulf. _The quote used is from the version translated by Seamus Heaney.

Warning: A bit of course language this chapter, but hey, it is rated T.

(Third Person POV)

* * *

Pony sat by himself on the porch. He was waiting for the sun to fall beneath the horizon. The orange glow was difficult to stare at, but he did. If Darry were outside, he'd have swatted Ponyboy in the back of the head, calling him an idiot. Pony knew better than to stare right into the sun, but at this point what did it matter?

Pony didn't want to sit in the dark. He wanted to enjoy the warmth and beauty that was a sunset. Who knows, he could die tomorrow, or the next day, or maybe sometime in the distant future—he wasn't God, and he didn't know when he'd die. So, until that day, he was going to do his best to enjoy life. It was the least he could do for his parents. He knew they'd want him to be happy, enjoy the rest of his life. If staring at the goddamn sun was what made him happy, well then he was going to stare at it, and nobody was going to tell him it was girly, because he honestly didn't want to be bothered with putting on yet another act in his life. If staring at the sun made him a sissy, well then he'd have to live with it.

He is who he is, and he shouldn't try to change it.

"_It is always better_

_to avenge dear ones than to indulge in mourning._

_For every one of us, living in this world_

_means waiting for our end."_

Pony mumbled the quote to himself. He knew his parents wouldn't want any harm done to the other people in that car on that fateful day. It wasn't the time of the Anglo-Saxons, his parents wouldn't want their sons to avenge their deaths, but sometimes the idea didn't sound so bad. Pony was more sad than angry, but being angry kept the hurt away. And sometimes, he really wanted the other driver to get the death sentence, and not just some fines and his license revoked.

He lost so much.

_So did they,_ Pony's mind whispered. It had taken Pony weeks to consider it. There were other people who died in the accident besides his parents. Pony didn't know if the other driver killed his wife or his kids, but he suffered some sort of lost. He would suffer for the rest of his life, knowing that it was his choice to drink and drive—his choice that killed innocent people. Pony would have to learn to live with that, it was the only justice he was going to receive.

Pony rubbed his forehead, everything just kept circling around. He felt stressed out in his own home. Hopefully the party would help somewhat with that.

XXX

He didn't particularly like parties. The entire environment seemed to make people more stupid than usual. Despite this fact, Pony decided it was time for him to go out. Home didn't feel like home lately, more like he and his brothers were playing house while they're parents were away.

It made him feel like he was waiting, and the feeling made him antsy and anxious.

He really needed to go out. His last attempt at going to the movies hadn't ended well, and his choices were limited as to what else he could do. The roller rink? The Dingo? He didn't feel like going to either place, both would require one of the gang to go with him, otherwise he risked getting into a fight. A Greaser didn't go to either of those places alone, they went with a buddy or risked getting beaten.

Pony still ached from the crash, he didn't want to fight. He never found them entertaining, and if he had the need to blow off steam, he'd just run a couple miles around the track.

So, Ponyboy continued his way to the party at Paul's house. The kid was middle class, but considered himself a Greaser. Pony found Paul interesting; his views on the world were different from most. His parents split when he was younger, and he had a bunch of half siblings running around his Mom and Dad's places at all times. Pony knew he felt excluded from his family, not really belonging fully in his Mother or Father's new lives. And, of course, it was strange in the first place for a married couple to divorce, and the only proof that their marriage ever happened was Paul, leading his parents to ignore him even more. Paul's predicament led him to have a strong desire to belong, and to have a strong sense of loyalty.

Greasers are all about loyalty, you stick up for your buddy, right or wrong. You don't ditch them no matter what, or you're no better than a Soc. Pony was pretty sure that's why Paul liked to call himself a Greaser—even though another part of it was pissing his parents off when he grew his hair too long and started wearing pomade in his hair no matter where he went.

Pony was greeted by a couple making out in the corner, the guy's hands in a place that was beyond disrespectful. Pony wondered why people treated each other like shit all the time. It wasn't right to treat a girl like that in public; it was one thing to bullshit to your friends about it, but a whole other thing to do it where everyone could see. Though, it didn't look like the girl minded much, so Pony decided to let it go.

"Happy birthday, Kev," Pony murmured. The kid was small for a fourteen year old. Ponyboy himself was pretty small for thirteen, yet he still had a couple inches on the kid, and some muscle. Surprisingly, Kevin was well liked. He just had a big personality that made up for his small stature. Most Greasers accepted him as one of their own, which helped when some of the Socs targeted him due to his size.

Pony hoped he wouldn't be a target next year in high school. He knew he was small, and wasn't the best fighter on this side of Tulsa, and he really didn't want the trouble. Up until sixth grade, it seemed like no one in the classroom was different from him. Then he hit middle school and suddenly the kid you used to play blocks with was trying to give you wedgies which progressed into black eyes. One summer you parted and everything was cool, the next you were enemies, Greaser versus Soc. Pony didn't know whether to be sad about it or disgusted, eh, maybe a bit of both.

"Pony! What's up, man? I haven't seen you since….I don't remember," he laughed, shaking Pony's hand. There was no doubt about it, he was on something. Pony sniffed discretely, weed?

"It was three days ago," Pony responded dryly. Stoned people were no fun. They either laughed at stupid shit that isn't funny unless you're high, or they were sleepy and boring. Kevin was definitely the laughing type, his eyes seemed alight as he scanned the rest of the room where raunchy dancing was taking place, a poker game where cheating was ensured, and tequila shots in the corner.

Pony was beginning to forget why he came in the first place. He was just as miserable here as he was at home; it really made no difference where he was miserable. He was hoping to snap out of his funk, but knew he wasn't going to anytime soon.

Fuck the universe; he'd never get those images out of his head that'd been haunting him. At least some of the shock had worn off, he could stomach the idea of his parents' deaths now, but that was as far as his tolerance went. He still felt like his whole life was some part in a movie, he just kept on acting and waiting for the director to call cut—because this as sure as hell could not be his life….only it is now.

Pony groaned inwardly, _this _was why he wanted to get away. He thought being away from home would get some of this stuff to leave his head for a couple hours. He was near desperate at this point. He wanted some peace—peace that when, _if_, it ever came, would be well paid for.

"Come on, Pone, you neeeeed to get that stick out of your ass, buddy," Kevin smiled slyly. "And there's one way that I know you'll enjoy if you just give it a shot," he giggled, as if he said something really funny.

Pony stupidly followed Kevin as he dragged him by the sleeve of his shirt to a corner on the opposite side of the room. Pony glanced at the circle of kids sitting on the floor, spin the bottle.

The game was some sort of heaven mixed in with hell. There's always that one girl that you'd never regret kissing, whose sitting _right _there, and then there's ten other girls you want nothing to do with. Pony sighed, with his luck he'd get Katie, the most clingy/desperate girl he'd ever met. He was too close to back away now, everyone waiting for him and Kevin to take their places. He couldn't back out without looking like a complete dumbass.

_So much for not putting an act on_, Pony thought to himself as he sat down to play a game he had no interest in.

Pony watched the bottle spin and miss him repeatedly. His heart thudded with nerves. He'd never kissed a girl before, only Angela Sheppard on the cheek in third grade. That certainly didn't count. The circle was large enough that Pony would be able to leave, before it was his turn to spin, without looking stupid. He could claim boredom, and nobody would think he wasn't tuff because he left before getting anything out of the game.

Pony's plan was made in vain, because Victoria Fletcher's spin landed on him. Pony almost immediately flushed as the attention abruptly turned to him. He had nothing against Tori. She was real nice, and he was honestly surprised to see her here and playing this, maybe her friend dragged her into this too? That made him feel a bit better. She was known for her long shiny black hair, but was otherwise had dull gray eyes, and a boy-ish figure. She was smart, and took advance classes with Pony. Overall, she was a nerd, and kept to herself, only having a few close friends.

Pony hoped she wouldn't get clingy like Katie. He didn't even know if Tori dated. Jesus, his stomach knotted up. You would've thought this wouldn't be a big deal, after all the talk he heard from Two-Bit, he should be able to do this without any experience.

Well then why did he still feel like he wanted to puke? It was like that moment right before you take an important test, all your nerves just bunch up into a rock in your stomach—this test was a kiss, in front of twenty people, it was a social status test.

Did he mention the twist to Greaser spin the bottle? Yeah, you rate the person when you finish your kiss. A kiss, that must last at least a minute, and has to be on the mouth (preferably open-mouth).

_Teenagers with a taste for voyeurism made this up,_ Pony thought.

Tori and Pony shuffled to the middle of the circle, awkwardly lined up, and just leaned in. The first thought that went thought Pony's head was that she tasted like chocolate and almonds, and that it was pretty good. The second thought that ran through his head was that he was pretty happy they didn't bang their heads together or something equally embarrassing.

He let his hands fall to the top of her waste, as her own rested on his shoulders. Her tongue darted out and swiped his bottom lip quickly. _That's what it feels like…it's better than I thought….Huh, I guess I get where the guys are coming from…_

Someone called a minute and the two broke apart. Pony desperately hoped the room was dark enough that nobody would see him blushing. He already knew Tori would be able to see it, but he hoped he judged her character right when he thought she was too nice to tell. He noticed that her usually light tan skin was flushed a warm pink. Well, at least he wasn't alone.

Pony could hear Kevin laughing behind him, "See, Curtis, not that bad, eh?" Pony resisted the urge to shove him like he would've done if it were his brothers, or Two-Bit. "What's your rate, Tori, Curtis?"

"Nine point five," Tori giggled. "He didn't open his mouth," she grinned, at him, obviously finding some sort of joy in his embarrassment. It was obvious she didn't mean anything by her teasing, though Pony had always thought she was so introverted…

"Pony?" Kevin grinned.

"I'll give it a ten," Pony murmured, smiling shyly towards Tori, before shuffling away awkwardly.

He probably wouldn't be able to look her in the face for a long time.

_It was good, but I still don't see the draw. _Pony thought to the many times that Soda or someone else from the gang would complain about their girlfriends. Whether it is about them talking to some other guy, or seeming to get upset about nothing, they always seemed to have some sort of drama. _I don't know if it's really worth all the drama._ Pony licked his lips, boy, chocolate and almonds sure taste good though.

XXX

Pony sipped the drink Curly had handed him wearily. It was creamy and kind of warm in his throat. It was alcohol, but it tasted really good, almost better than Tori's chocolate almond kiss.

"What is it?" Pony asked.

Curly glanced at him, "Just drink it, Curtis."

"Darry's going to get pissed if I come home with alcohol on my breath."

"He'll get over it. You need to loosen up. This is what you do at a party, Pone; you drink, dance, find yourself a girl, or find a fight, and have a good time. I'm sure your brain can handle that?" Curly responded. "It ain't like Darry didn't do the same last month," Curly laughed.

Pony rolled his eyes, yeah, he knew of all his brothers' nights out. They thought he couldn't hear them talking in the living room, or through the walls to their bedrooms. What kind of little brother would he be if he didn't know everything going on with his brothers?

Pony drank the substance slowly. He'd never gotten drunk, which was kind of weird, he was nearing fourteen quickly, and in his neighborhood kids even younger than him got drunk. He was curious, the way Two-Bit boasted about getting drunk, it couldn't be too bad. Greasers did it all the time, and kissing Tori wasn't that bad, so why would getting a little soused be any different?

XXX (PPOV)

"What the hell, Pony, you can't hold liquor to save your life," Curly grumbled at me.

I laughed a bit, waving goodbye to Tori. It was fun dancing with her. I like dancing. Sometimes I dance around in the kitchen when I cook, that way I'm not so bored, and I still keep an eye on the food. Last week I accidently burned a chicken, and Darry was pretty angry, so I had to be careful and keep my eye on the food from now on.

I tripped on a bench that I didn't see and ended up slamming my side into it. And man, if Curly wasn't there, I'd probably have started bawling it hurt so badly! Curly knelt down next to me frowning, "You okay? You didn't bust anything up again did you?"

I groaned, "I hope not. I don't like broken ribs much," I pouted.

"Oh Jesus, remind me never to be around you when you get drunk again. I don't like babysitting drunken people!"

"I am not drunk!" I said, indignantly. I stumbled again, "Okay, maybe a little bit," I chuckled.

"You're lucky I like you, Curtis, or I'd let you pass out in that alley over there."

I threw my arm over his shoulder, "What a buddy."

Curly eyed me strangely, "You're acting like Two-Bit, stop it." He roughly shoved me away, and I nearly sprawled out on the sidewalk. Luckily, I can be kind of clumsy, so I'm pretty good at catching myself.

"That's nice," Curly mumbled.

I frowned, "I didn't say anything."

He rolled his eyes, and urged me forward again.

I was surprised when I was suddenly on my back, lying on my porch. I glanced up not seeing just Curly like I expected, but Darry and Soda looking down at me. Darry looked pissed, while Soda looked confused and amused. I chuckled, amused, confused, amused, confused, ha, they rhyme.

"Pony," Darry sighed, "get up and go inside." He grabbed my arms and hauled me up, shoving me towards the door. I hit the frame, and stumbled on in, "See ya, Shepard!"

I vaguely heard him say, "Hopefully sober." I didn't bother to tell him he was the one who gave me the creamy drink in the first place.

I flopped into Soda's bed, not feeling like going to mine. I hadn't made the bed and didn't feel like straightening out my covers, but if I went into Soda's he'd have to straighten the covers when he got into bed anyways.

I was half asleep when I heard Soda call my name. "You alright, Pony?"

"Hmm?"

Soda shook his head while Darry appeared out of nowhere and glared down on me. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"About what, I think a lot of stuff, Darry," I frowned at him. Soda looked like he was going to start laughing, but I wasn't sure why he'd laugh when Darry was mad.

He sighed in frustration, "Sleep it off, Pone," Darry turned towards Soda. "You going to let him stay here tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll keep an eye on him, Dar," Soda hopped in beside me. He fixed the covers, like I knew he would. I squeaked slightly when the lights suddenly went out, surprising me, making Soda laugh.

"Why in the world did you get drunk, Pone?" Soda asked, sounding worried.

"I didn't meaan to, Sodaa," I sighed, snuggling in closer to him, his arm swung across my shoulders. "Something creamy, it was gooood…almost as good as Tori tastedd."

"WHAT?"

XXX

"And who the hell is Tori?" Soda glanced at me, nearly yelling his question from the kitchen. I glared at Two-Bit as he snickered at me.

"I have the mother of all hangovers, do you have to me so loud," I groaned, holding me head as if it were about to split open. Hell, maybe it was.

Johnny rolled his eyes at me, a small smirk dancing the corners of his lips for a couple seconds before disappearing into his usual mask of boredom.

Damn, I hated them all so much; they found pleasure in my pain. I'll never laugh at Two-Bit again, I swear! The worst part is I really brought it all on myself.

"Tori?" Darry asked. "What do you mean whose Tori?" Darry looked at Soda.

"I don't know who she is, but last night Pony said she tasted good," Soda laughed, then turned more serious. "You didn't _do_ anything did you?"

"I swear, Ponyboy Michael Curtis!" Darry yelled, making me wince again.

"I said that?" I squeaked, blushing slightly. "Cool it, Superman, I didn't mean it like that! Jesus, look where y'all minds go," I frowned defensively, hoping they didn't notice my ears turning red. I really wasn't going to be able to look her in the face; I said she was a ten!

"Then what did you mean?" Soda cocked an eyebrow, and the rest of the gang turned with suddenly renewed interest.

"I got dragged into a game of spin the bottle," I grumbled.

"Tori who?" Johnny asked. Huh, some best buddy, he was enjoying this. Hell, like Steve said, it was your best buddy who was on the jail bench next to you, and your friends who bailed you out.

"Victoria Fletcher."

"She was actually there?" Johnny looked as surprised as I felt last night.

"Yeah, I think Catherine dragged her in though. But, I guess I can't complain about it, it could've been much worse, Katie was one of the girls there."

Johnny shuddered.

"Exactly."

"Who's Tori, I never heard of her, and that's stranger than Darry wearing poka dots on a Sunday," Two-Bit yelped.

I glared, "She's in my classes, she's got dark hair, and is kind of a wallflower…at least I thought until last night."

Soda snickered, "All you did was kiss? Was it good, what she rate you?"

My face was probably a new shade of red man never discovered before now. "It was good. She said I was a nine point five, but after I danced with her she decided to up it to a ten because I was good at dancing," I grumbled.

The damn questions continued. See, girls just ain't worth it.

And getting drunk isn't worth be grounded for two weeks.

* * *

Just because Ponyboy didn't like girls in the book, didn't mean he didn't kiss one before. ;) So, what did you think about that little game of spin the bottle, and Pony getting drunk for the first time? Can't you imagine Soda's face when Pony said Tori tasted good? :D

PLEASE REVIEW!


	15. Capsize

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

_(PPOV)_

_

* * *

_

_Fire. Hot. Bright light._

_Roaring, deafening. So bright. _

_A woman screams—Mom._

_Got to get out. Everything's closing in._

I scream until I feel Soda's arms tight around me.

XXX

_Sometimes life doesn't like you. _I thought to myself, washing the pile of dishes Soda left for me. Somehow he always ended up using nearly all the pans when making food, I don't know why, or how since we only have four burners.

Summer vacation was boring. I didn't have much to do except a few house chores. They'd been keeping me busy; otherwise, I just hang out with Johnny.

I didn't feel up for much. After the party in the beginning of summer, I just kept to myself for the most part.

Finally, I could see people at the Dingo, and they wouldn't whisper to their friends about me and my family. It was a relief to see people move on—gossip wise anyway.

Personally, I felt Soda and Darry had already fallen into the pattern that was our new life. I still seemed to straddle that line between reality and fantasy, sometimes it was pleasant, but most of the time it was a slap in the face.

I still felt as if I were playing house. I washed dishes, took the trash out, cleaned…it was like when you were four and played house in pre-school, though most of the time you ordered the girls to do laundry, clean, and all of that.

I rubbed polish onto my Mom's old silver photo frame. It was a picture from their first dance together, they looked so happy, and Mom always said her wedding dress was the most beautiful thing she'd ever worn. I'm sure it was true, since we've never had much money. We always managed to make do. I traced the line of her silk dress in the picture, I really missed her.

If she were here, and saw me sitting here by my lonesome, she'd have stopped whatever she was doing and sat down beside me, probably wrap her arm around my shoulders and kiss my forehead—knowing I'd actually allow it since no one is around. I could practically feel the weight of her arm around my shoulders.

I was so distracted, that I jumped nearly a foot when a hand landed on my shoulder. Johnny smiled apologetically at me. "You alright?"

"Fine, just cleaning some of this stuff. It's not like Soda or Darry are going to," I rolled my eyes. Darry wasn't bad at keeping the things we actually needed clean, but when it came to some of the knickknacks and pictures, he liked to cut corners. Soda, pshh, he couldn't clean to save his life, so somehow what he should be doing always got dumped on me. Whoopee doo.

Johnny picked up a rag and started on the next silver frame—one that held Darry's first baby picture. "You don't have to do anything, Johnny."

"I know that. I just wanted to help you out, it seems like you stay around here and clean all the time," his mouth quirked into a smirk, "like a housewife."

I glared, "Well, I sure as hell don't see Soda doing anything."

"I'm just playing around with you, Pone."

"I know, I know," I groaned. "Darry and Soda don't pay attention to the details, the little details that make everything right. Sure, Darry worries about bills, and Soda's just, well who the hell knows with Soda half of the time. The only _details_ he's worried about are probably about Sandy or something."

Johnny looked surprised before he started laughing. He leaned against the wall shaking his head. "You think Soda spends his time thinking dirty about his girl?"

I smiled myself, "I got no clue where that came from."

Johnny laughed again.

"What's so funny, boys?" Two-Bit waltzed in, belching after he sprawled on the couch.

"Nice," I rolled my eyes.

Two-Bit winked at me. "So, what's funny, Johnnycakes, and how come you never bust a gut laughing when I tell a joke?"

"'Cause you ain't funny, Two-Bit," I responded.

"Mouthier every day, I swear," Two-Bit shook his head, and wiped a fake tear, "I'm so proud."

"Pony was ranting and said that Soda doesn't pay any attention to details, unless it's Sandy," Johnny snickered a little.

Two-Bit glanced at me in surprise, chuckling himself. "Wow, he gets a taste of a girl and look where his mind is going."

I rubbed my head, "I don't know why I said that." I could feel my cheeks starting to turn red, so I quickly turned and started on the next silver frame—Darry holding Soda the day he came home from the hospital, Darry was sitting in Ma's lap.

"You don't think Soda does his fair share?" Johnny asked me.

I glanced at him, "Nah, I'm being stupid. You know, Darry's letting him work at the DX full time to help with the bills? I don't know what Soda said to get Darry to let him help out."

Two-Bit glanced over at me and studied me for a second, making me uncomfortable. "What exactly is eating ya, kid?" he drawled, lazily.

"Nothing," I frowned, "everything?" I ran a hand through my unusually grease-free hair. It felt weird to run my hand through my hair, and not have my hand be all greased up afterwards. "I don't know! Maybe sitting around here all day, and just realizing Ma ain't going to walk through the door with groceries, or she ain't going to bake cookies because she felt like it. Or, maybe I don't like the fact that I sit here, and I'll hear the noon horn sounding, but Dad never comes home for lunch, like he used to everyday in the summer knowing we'd be here. I can't stand it here no more!"

Two-Bit sighed. I turned my back on my friends to clean the pictures once more—me coming home from the hospital; Darry's pre-school graduation; Soda grinning at the camera, a gap on top in the middle of his smile, his small hand holding the first tooth that he ever lost; me holding a giant fish that I had somehow reeled in all on my own when I was four, the damn fish looked like it weighed as much as I did.

"It'll get easier, Pony," Johnny said softly from behind me.

"No, it really won't. I'll just learn to accept it, but accepting it is like admitting they're really gone…it doesn't feel like they are. It feels like that time my parent took that trip for the weekend when they had a wedding when I was eleven."

"Ponyboy-"

I cut Two-Bit off, "And, to top it off, Soda and Darry already seem fine. I don't even know how! They just seem to be in this new routine, while I wander around like an idiot around here!"

I wonder if I was even making any sense.

"Ponyboy, I think you'd better talk to your brothers, it may surprise you to find out they're feeling the same as you are," Two-Bit said.

I glanced at him for a moment.

"The worst part is it was like I was always waiting for my chance—my chance to have a real good relationship with Mom and Dad. Darry was going to go to college, and Dad would be able to hang out more with me. Soda would go off somewhere soon. And then Mom would sit down and talk to me without Darry and Soda coming in and ruining it," I mumbled bitterly. "I ain't saying it's their fault or my brothers, but I was always the black sheep of the family, and I thought that may change later on."

"They really loved you, Pone, you can't doubt _that. _Them not always hanging with you didn't mean they didn't love ya as much as your brothers," Johnny whispered.

"Kid, you always had it real good here," Two-Bit said.

I nodded. "I just wish I had more time with them."

There wasn't anything they could really say to that.

* * *

Sorry, guys, it's been a couple weeks. :/

I had taken an undeclared break. Instead of working on Combustion, I wrote a two-shot, Buddies not Friends. Please go check it out and review!

Thanks to those who are still reviewing. I hope it continues!


	16. Conclusion

*I don't own _The Outsiders._

(PPOV)

* * *

I really didn't mean to make Dally look stupid, but I did.

I was running full speed down the street as he chased me. I knew I could out run him. Not necessarily because Ol' Dal couldn't keep up with me, but because he was too lazy to chase after me for as long as he knew I'd run for to avoid any retribution for my accidental bad deed.

I hadn't necessarily done something wrong...Out of the corner of my eye, I had seen that Dally was going to tackle me. Instead of bracing myself like a normal Greaser would, I ducked. Dallas flew over me and, well, he sort of face planted right in the dirt. I really didn't mean to do that. Of course the gang started laughing at him, and man he shot me a glare that could make a child pee their self!

He told me to run, so I did. I debated whether or not to take a detour down the alley next to the corner store up ahead. If I did, I could possibly waste precious moments scaling the wall. I wasn't sure if Dally was bored enough to just let me go. If he caught me, I don't think he'd hurt me too bad, but I'm not stupid enough to think he wouldn't whack me good for making him look like an idiot.

Later on, when I wasn't running to save my face, I would probably laugh about this.

I decided to risk it and go through the alley way. I jumped onto a garbage can and launched myself upwards. Before I got up, I felt a strong hand wrap around my ankle.

After that there was a flurry of limbs and cusses coming from the both of us. I usually found Dally's creative cusses pretty amusing, but they didn't seem so funny when they were directed at me.

XXX

"Did ya have to bust up my face?" I asked.

Dally glanced at me, "I could'a done worse, so quit whining already."

I scowled at him once he turned his back. (I wasn't looking for another black eye.) Sometimes I really hated Dally. It wasn't my fault he launched at me in the first place. Also, I do not whine, I don't know why the gangs saying I do, but I don't. I _complain_—that's real different from whining.

Soda glanced my way and smiled, seeming to be more amused than angry now. "Do you want to come to the movies tonight, Pone, you haven't gone in awhile?"

I saw Steve roll his eyes. Steve was annoying the hell out of me today. I knew if I said yes to Soda, that he'd be pissed. Was it worth spending more time around Steve just to irk him? Yes, because with Soda there Steve won't actually say anything, he'll sit there and glare at me.

"Yeah, I'll go."

Steve scowled at me. I smirked back, resisting the urge to wiggle my fingers at him—my face hurt enough as it is.

XXX

I sat at my desk after I came home with Soda. Darry was chewing him out for bringing me home late. It still felt strange to hear Darry yell at one of us. I didn't like it when Darry went parental on us. It felt kind of wrong, but I was getting used to it.

I wondered if he'd ever realize he didn't have to yell to get his point across. I'm pretty sure our neighbors now know that Soda is to obey his curfew—a curfew, according to Darry, Soda is lucky to have at midnight and not nine.

I wish the gang had been here to hear the way Soda started squawking when Darry mentioned an earlier curfew.

I leaned back in the chair of my desk that was now in Soda's room. The only way the nightmares seemed to stay away, or at least not occur as frequently, was if I stayed with Soda. Under the protective arm of my brother, I didn't feel like anything was going to get me.

I never really remembered the one nightmare, the one that made me scream like a banshee. I did, however, remember some of the others. They were upsetting, but didn't make me yell out and wake my brothers up.

I looked down at the blank white page of my sketch book. I hadn't drawn anything since before the accident. It was kind of like writer's block, only for drawing. I didn't know what to draw, I just couldn't think of anything. I never really had this problem before. There's so much that I could draw, but it just doesn't work. Everything looks like crap, so I've just let the hobby fall to the side, like a lot of other things.

"Turn out the light, Pony," Soda sighed, flopping down onto the bed.

I did and got into bed; maybe tomorrow I'd try to draw that blue jay I saw in the backyard today.

"I told you that you didn't have time to 'say goodnight' to Sandy," I mumbled.

"Shut up, Ponyboy," Soda groaned. "And, how do you know if we kissed or not?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're a horndog, Soda," I responded dryly.

"I am not!" Soda laughed, knowing I was just joking.

I grinned, "You can see through the back windows in Steve's truck, Soda. And just so you know, people may start to get the wrong idea about Sandy if they saw where she was letting you put your hands."

Seeing my brother make out was not something I had needed to see. I had gone to get some popcorn after Steve went to sit by Evie, and I came back and Soda and Sandy were going at it in the back seat—it was disgusting. I ended up finding my own seat, and just found Steve and Soda after the movie ended.

Apparently, they all hadn't purposely met up. I had a feeling Steve may have clued Evie in that he and Soda were going to the movies though.

Soda's cheeks had turned red after I told him what I saw him and Sandy doing; he stuttered before just falling quiet. I started laughing; it wasn't often that Soda didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry, I won't tell Darry," I chuckled and turned over.

A couple seconds later I heard, "You better not."

You know what? Things were starting to feel right again.

* * *

The End.

I thought I'd end on a brotherly note, heading more towards the way it feels in the book between Ponyboy and the gang. Thanks for all the support, guys, I really appreciate it. Thanks to all of those who reviewed!


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